The Naruto Truth or Dare
by The two stars
Summary: Humour, romance, drama, suspense, mystery, a sinister stranger, the power of the human mind, and the ultimate question... truth, or dare? Essentially psychological/drama/comedy/romance with an in-depth plot, but for the most part fairly light-hearted
1. Welcome one and all

A bizarre stranger brings everyone from Naruto to a strange place where the inevitable question will be asked. Truth or Dare? Mainly NaruHina and NejiTen, but a few other pairings thrown in there as well.

A/N: I promise you there are no yaoi, yuuri, cross dressing, or sexual themes in this story. Oh, and by the way, this is sort of an AU we're talking about here so if you don't like that sort of thing then you probably shouldn't read this. There may also be some OOC, but I'll try not to :)

Part 1; Host

A man walked into a dark area. Much like a coliseum in appearance, yet in it were a stage, speakers, microphones, a computer bank, and other things that looked completely out of place in such a historic site.

The man wore a long black cloak with a hood and face mask completely covering his face. And as if that weren't enough, he had the eyepieces of a pair of sunglasses sewn into a piece of cloth that was wrapped around his eyes.

Out of the darkness came many other figures, all recognisable by their separate insignias. Akatsuki, Konoha, Suna, even Oto. They were all looking at their surroundings with expressions of either wonder or caution, in some cases both.

The dark man stopped right in the centre of all the equipment, turning to face all the people he had gathered.

"Welcome," he began with a spacious gesture, "To the Ultimate Truth or Dare. Let me introduce myself… actually, no, how about I don't, you may call me Host while we are here however."

Well thanks a bunch Host, that explained a lot. Everyone was still quite confused.

The Hyuugas of Konoha were scanning the area with their Byakugan, Pain of the Akatsuki had sent Zetsu to scout out the place, and Sasuke of Team Taka was tasking Karin on searching for any other chakra signatures.

There was nothing dangerous about this place.

Host noticed that people were scouting the area.

"Don't worry, this isn't a trap," he reassured everyone, "I would have no reason to trap you. However, you might not enjoy what comes next."

Everyone looked nervous. What comes next? What was that creep planning on doing?

"Everyone take a seat," the man in black motioned. When everyone was seated, he stood in the middle of the circle of chairs. "I'll start us off," he said, "Sai, truth or dare?" Sai started at the mention of his name. _If I choose truth that would take up my turn pretty painlessly, but the book said that if I choose dare people might respect me more. _"Dare," said the ROOT member confidently.

"Lip sync to this," Host clicked a remote and: 'Gay Bar' by Electric six started playing. Sai paled (well, as much as his present complexion would allow), still, he had agreed to go through with this. He got up on the stage and everyone watched.

"Girl!" he turned around with the microphone, swaying his hips to the music, "I wanna take you to a gay bar!" he pointed at the crowd like a rock star. "I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!" The crowd was trying desperately not to laugh out loud.

"Let's start a war! Start a nuclear war! At the gay bar, gay bar gay bar!" Sai was doing the most hilarious dance to the song. This kept going on, yet at the part where the pale ninja did the moon walk, everyone started to laugh. After what seemed like forever to poor Sai, the music ended. He descended the steps of the stage dreading the reactions of everyone upon him. _Great, they probably all think that I'm gay now,_ he thought miserably, _Why did I let that idiot in black talk me into this?_

But to his astonishment, everyone slapped him on the back and congratulated him. Even Naruto came up laughing his head off and (between giggling fits) commended Sai on the guts it must have taken. Sai smiled a genuine smile. Maybe it was a good thing he had chosen to follow up on his dare.

When he sat back down again, everyone waited for Host to give the next order. However, the man in black was gone, strange. "Ok, Sai! It's your turn now," shouted Naruto enthusiastically. "Um, okay, Naruto, truth or dare?" Sai asked, unsure. "Dare!" came the reply.

"Okay, um…" Sai turned to the people on either side of him, searching for a clue. The person to his right said: "Hey, don't look at me, this is your turn." The man was blonde, wearing an akatsuki cloak, and Sai thought he looked almost exactly like Ino. "Are you Inoichi?" asked Sai.

"What the… who? My name is Deidara, hm," replied the blonde man.

"Ok, Deidara, what would you suggest for a dare?"

Deidara looked bored with the questions, "I dunno, tell him to go blow himself up or something."

Unfortunately, Sai took this at face value. "Naruto, go blow yourself up!" he said cheerfully. Naruto gawked, but then he seemed to have an idea. "Ok," he beamed. Creating a shadow clone, he pasted an explosion note on its back and made it run away. Seconds later… BOOM!

Deidara looked critical, "That was a good one, but I don't think you can beat my art, hm." With that, he created a small bird and made it fly into the sky. "Katsu!" he roared, and it detonated into a million tiny multicoloured sparks. There was plenty of ooh and ah amongst the crowd. Deidara looked pleased with himself. "Ok, explosions guy!" Naruto pointed at the Deidara, "Truth or dare?"

"It's Deidara you idiot!" snapped the artist.

"Okay, dare it is! I dare you to make out with someone here!" Naruto grinned evilly. Evidently, this was payback for showing him up with fancy explosions.

"It's Deidara not dare you… wait, what?" The pyrotechnician paled. He cast around for familiar faces. His hand mouths were gnashing their teeth nervously. Naruto noticed this and decided to take things a step further. "And you have to use all your mouths!"

"Oh come on! These mouths are not for things as menial as making out, un!"

"Just do it, Deidara," Host had mysteriously reappeared.

The artist seemed to be having a mental struggle with himself. He could on the one hand refuse, but then he would be losing face in front of everyone, and Hidan would just have another excuse to call him gay. Suddenly he thought of someone he knew who was present. _Oh shit, _he thought. Slowly, he turned around and faced Konan. All at once she realised what was going on. "No, oh no no no! NO! I am not doing that! Just because I'm the only woman in Akatsuki does not mean that you can just drag me into something like this, I'm not doing it." she was waving her hands in front of her face.

Okay, it was this or nothing. He jabbed his hand in front of her face. "Talk to the hand, hm," he said, then thrust his arm forward to kiss her on the forehead. Before she had time to recover from the shock of being kissed by a hand, Deidara had moved his face closer and kissed her on the lips.

"Kisame, what's going on?" asked Tobi, as Kisame was covering the masked man's eye. "You're not old enough to see this yet Tobi, I'll tell you in a few years," replied the shark look alike.

"All your mouths!" Naruto reminded Deidara, who began kissing the woman's neck with his hands.

Ok, so the artist was kissing the boss's girl. So he wasn't even that in to her. So he was enjoying it anyway. So she didn't seem to be putting up much of a fight either. So what?

When the reluctant couple broke apart, Deidara staggered back to his seat, Konan fainted dead away, and Pein nearly exploded from pent up rage. Host put his face in his hand. This was going to be a long night.

Deidara sat in his chair. Well, at least Hidan couldn't call him gay anymore. Still, Pein would probably torture him to death.

He cast around for someone to ask the inevitable question to. His eyes settled upon a shy looking black haired girl.

His face twisted into a cruel smirk. This was his sadistic side talking. His Schadenfreude, the side that delighted in other peoples' misfortune.

"You, what's your name, hm?" he questioned the girl.

"W-what? Oh, um, H-Hinata," she stuttered.

"All right then Hinata, truth or dare?" he grinned. This was just too good!

Hinata thought. She couldn't choose truth, lest her feelings for Naruto should come into the question. Still, could she choose dare?

"D-dare," she said, more confidently than she felt.

Deidara's smile grew, _Perfect!_

"All right then, pull down that guy's mask," he pointed to Host.

Hinata paled. Host was frightening, especially as she couldn't see him with her byakugan. He just didn't show up, it was like he didn't exist…

"Hinata, Tenten, Tayuya, Kin, come over here," Host ordered, walking toward a tunnel into the coliseum walls.

"Hey, wait!" Deidara protested, as did many of the others, "We all have to see!" Host turned. "You did not specify that in the dare. You only get the one chance, and you didn't say that everyone need see my face. So, therefore, I have chosen my audience."

Everyone was annoyed as Host and the four girls disappeared into the dark tunnel. A light appeared in the passage, as of candles. There was silence.

Suddenly there was a: "Fuck! Why do you cover yourself up like that!?" Kidomaru, Sakon, Jiroubo, and Kimimaro sweat dropped. Typical Tayuya, loud and rude.

When they emerged, Hinata was pale and scared looking, Kin was blushing, Tayuya was dark red and spewing profanity, and you could practically see the hearts in Tenten's eyes. Host came last, and you could almost swear that he was concealing a smug grin.

"Ok, now I'm really curious!" shouted Naruto. Everyone was. "All right, I believe it is now Hinata's turn," said Host in probably the most irritatingly cool tone anyone could have imagined.

"O-okay," stuttered the poor Hyuuga, "Um, S-Sakura?

T-truth or d-dare?"

"Truth," she said.

"W-who do you like?" An odd question for Hinata to ask, but still a valid one.

"Sas…" she stopped. She started again, yet again she stopped mid-word. In the starry night, one could just barely see the tears glistening in her eyes. "I-I don't know anymore," her voice quavered. Lee moved his chair over to Sakura's and put his arm comfourtingly around her shoulders. Sakura was just so upset that she truly didn't care who comfourted her.

"Sakura, would you like to skip this round?" asked Lee gently. She nodded.

"Host, I think that someone else should take this turn," Lee called over to the man in black.

"Rock Lee, I'm sorry, but the rules are absolute, she must take this turn," he replied.

Lee's face hardened. "I said I think that someone else should take this turn," said the taijutsu master more threateningly.

There was silence for a moment, then Host said: "Very well. I think we could all use a break anyway. You may all wander around as you wish, but be back sitting here in an hour."

At that everyone got up. Except for Lee, who sat with Sakura until she had recovered herself.

A certain member of Akatsuki was quite bored out of his mind. _The fuck is this? _thought the grey haired individual, _This is just stupid. Now I can't even call blondie a fag, this is just getting worse and worse._

He was so caught up in his musing that he didn't look where he was going and bumped into someone. "Hey, watch it, shit head!" Hidan looked down at the diminutive figure he had bumped into. His instinct was to respond with something containing the F word, but then he noticed it was a girl. Hmm, maybe the B word would be more fitting at this time. "You watch it, bitch!" he snapped. She coloured, "Oh you did not just fucking say that!"

"What are you, deaf? I called you a fucking bitch!" the immortal shouted back.

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm Hidan,"

"Tayuya,"

"Nice to meet you,"

"You too," she smiled.

At that moment Host and some people who looked like kabuki prop handlers emerged carrying a long table and various dishes of food. "Everyone, eat!" announced Host, as the platters were being set out.

I couldn't begin to describe the abundance of food, but I shall give you some of the dishes. There were plates piled high with onigiri, huge punch dishes filled with steaming hot ramen, mountains of sushi of every flavour and filling, great stacks of dango, platters of juicy warm cinnamon rolls, and of course, great bowls of rice.

Lee was just spooning some of the rice onto his plate when an all too familiar figure tapped him on the shoulder.

It was Sasuke.

Upon seeing who it was, Lee's face hardened. "Sasuke Uchiha," he said.

"Rock Lee," came the reply, "So. You're my replacement then?"

The words were filled with coldness. "I don't know what you mean," said the martial artist truthfully.

"I mean you're Sakura's new target. Well, I can hardly say I'm surprised. When I went she had no one except you to fall back on. So," Sasuke leaned in close, "How does it feel to be second best?"

Lee threw a punch. Sasuke dodged the blow with ease. It was as though the Uchiha were made of oil, each strike that Lee launched glanced off of him or was avoided. Lee was frustrated, upset, and angry, but Sasuke's ease in dodging his attacks was simply too much. He reached for the familiar feeling of the chakra gates.

Suddenly host appeared in front of him. "Rock Lee!" he said sternly, "What are you doing? You are my guest here, I will not tolerate fighting!" Lee wanted to protest that it was Sasuke's fault, but somehow he knew that it wouldn't do any good with these two icy individuals. He stormed off, appetite lost.

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A/N

Whoo! There it is! Poor Lee, don't worry, Sasuke will get what's coming to him :)

Please review!


	2. Gaara

A/N

Ok, here's chapter two, hopefully it will be better than the last one

When we left off Sasuke was being a jerk (as per usual) and a table had been laid out with food on it.

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"Everyone, please listen to this announcement!" called Host from the stage. People looked up from their plates. What did the weirdo want now?

"I shall be absent this round, so you will have to keep the flow going yourselves," he said. Well, that was one positive, Host was going to be somewhere else.

Hinata was just returning to her meal when a familiar figure plopped down in the chair next to her. It was Naruto, and he seemed barely awake. "Yo," he muttered sleepily, "Mind if I sit here?" Hinata didn't know what to say. What was Naruto doing? He had just plonked himself down (a bit uncomfourtably close) next to her without any warning, and she had no idea what to do. "S-sure, g-go ahead," she stuttered nervously. "Thanks, Tenten," he replied with a yawn (insert anime sweat-drop on all readers). Hinata was a little bit put out that he thought he was talking to Tenten, even in his fatigued state, she had rather hoped that he had intentionally come to talk to her. Still, what would she say? It had only been three weeks since she had proclaimed her love for him.

"Hey, Tenten?" he asked, eyes closed. _Oh well, I guess I may as well just play along with this. It would be awkward if he suddenly figured out it was me, _she thought. "Y-yeah?" she said, trying to sound a bit more like the weapons mistress, but she still couldn't cut out the stutter. Naruto smiled "You know what? You smell like cinnamon. You know who also smells like cinnamon?" Was it just Hinata or was this going from weird to weirder? "Who?" she asked. "Hinata does! Yeah, Hinata smells like cinnamon. Oh, and lavender. Yeah, that's a nice smell. Hinata smells nice. Actually, she's nice as a person too. Can I tell you a secret?" he continued. Hinata desperately wanted to hear but she couldn't lie to Naruto. "I think that I…" but he fell asleep, cutting his own sentence short.

Meanwhile…

Gaara of the desert was sitting in his chair, arms folded, his gourd of sand resting on the ground next to him. Temari was sitting beside him in a similar posture while Kankuro devoured a bowl of beef ramen. "Come on you two," he said, desperately trying to lighten the mood with his siblings, "This isn't all bad. I mean, the food is great, and it's free! All we have to do is play along with the weird guy and we get double what we put in!" His icy companions were not impressed. "Here, Gaara, try some of the food. You haven't eaten in three days. Aren't you about due to eat around now?"

"No," came the cold reply.

"Temari?"

"No," she parroted.

The puppet master sighed and went off to refill his bowl. When he left Shikamaru plopped himself down next to Temari.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"Jeez, would it kill you to try a: 'Hello, Shikamaru, it's good to see you again'?" He asked sarcastically. All he got in return was Temari grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and explaining to him in many graphic details exactly what she would do to him if he bothered her again. She then resumed her original position of stubborn pessimism. Even Gaara was a little bit curious as to what her problem was. "What is it?" he asked her in his usual disinterested, sandy tone. She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Temari, it is not the 14th of the month so Kankuro's usual explanation cannot be used here. Furthermore, you're even more testy than you regularly are at the moment," The sand lord explained. There was a moment in which Temari sat gaping at her younger brother mentioning her time of the month.

"The 14th? Makes sense," put in Shikamaru. The wind mistress punched him in the face and dragged him off somewhere else to beat him further.

Excellent, now Gaara was alone. Again. As usual.

He got up and decided to take a walk. He strapped on his sand gourd and wandered around, aimlessly exploring the ruins. He didn't know how long everyone had been there but it just seemed as though it were always night in this place. Odd.

A familiar figure fell into step beside him. "Hm?" he looked to his right, "Matsuri?" His former student smiled at him. "Hi, Gaara sensei," she replied. She still called him that even though they weren't technically student and sensei anymore. It was sort of like a nickname he supposed, although she really should have been calling him Lord Kazekage. "What are you doing?" he asked in as curious a tone as one could expect from Gaara. "Nothing, I just thought you might like some company," she said innocently. Oh well, maybe he could use a companion.

"Alright."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, each to their own respective thoughts, until Matsuri again broke hush. "So, what do you think of this place, Gaara sensei?" she asked. _Hm, obviously she's trying to make conversation,_ thought Gaara.

"It doesn't seem threatening."

She laughed, "I asked what you thought of it, not what you didn't think of it!"

Her laughing. The sound pleased him. He found himself hoping to hear it again.

"Well, I suppose it seems alright. I am not fond of this Host character however. I don't trust him."

She nodded, "Neither do I. He looks dishonest."

"Well, what do we do about it? No one else seems to think he's anything but an eccentric."

She shook her head, "No, I was speaking to Tenten and she hates him."

Meanwhile…

"I hate him!" Tenten shouted in response to Lee's question. She, Neji, and Lee were all discussing much the same thing that Gaara and Matsuri were.

"I thought you rather liked him," said Neji skeptically.

His teammate snorted. "Oh, yeah, sure, he's got a pretty face but he has all the manners of a dead slug!"

"What did he do?" asked Lee.

"He came on to me."

"HE WHAT?!"

Neji turned around slowly after his outburst.

"Where are you going?" asked Tenten.

"To find Host."

"What for?"

"I just want to talk to him."

"Really? Because you look pretty ticked off."

"I just want to talk to him."

"Are you sure?"

"I just want to talk to him."

"Neji, it's no big deal! The man's an idiot but that's his problem! You shouldn't get involved in this!"

"I just want to kill him I mean I just want to talk to him."

"Neji!"

Tenten followed the Hyuuga, trying to talk him out of tracking Host. Lee sighed, this was going to be a long night.

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Oh yeah! Second chapter done! Lol, the real second chapter that is!

The last chapter had a thing in it that I thought would be the second chapter but isn't.

Special thanks to Mathlover15 for the fav and helpful comments!­

I should have the second chapter up in about a week or so :D


	3. Sing for Us

A/N

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does.

All right! Chapter three! I hope you enjoy it :)

So when we left off, Host was hitting on Tenten and Gaara was walking with Matsuri. Oh yeah, and Naruto thought that he was talking to Tenten when he was actually talking to Hinata ^w^

Host sat comfortably nestled in a garbage can. Well, at least he was trying to see himself as being comfourtably nestled there, in actuality Neji had beaten him up, and trashed him.

_Wonderful,_ thought the man sarcastically, _all for flirting with Tenten a bit. Oh well, at least Tayuya hasn't got anyone to beat me up. Then again, I'm not sure she needs anyone else._

When Host got out of the can, spent about three minutes groaning over his many bruises and general stiffness, and finally brushed himself off, he tucked his coat a little tighter around himself and walked towards the center of the coliseum again.

Under cover of the shadows he crept around, spying on the selective ninja. First he came to Naruto sitting with Hinata. Hm, so far so good, he was asleep in her lap, and luckily she was asleep too, otherwise she would have fainted. He next came to Neji talking to Tenten.

"Really! You didn't have to go that far! Like it or not we are still his guests here and must behave as such!" Tenten berated her teammate.

"He was being rude. No matter if we are his guests, rudeness is unacceptable. He was taking advantage of his position as our host," Neji replied under a mask of cool indifference. In his mind however, he was still mentally beating up Host for what he had tried to pull on Tenten. Honestly, what a disgusting thing to do! That man had to be at least ten years older than the weapons mistress. What kind of a pervert is he?

Host could see the thoughts etched in the subtle lines of the Hyuuga's face.

The sight pleased him. Excellent, everything was going to plan.

After a short walk (and nearly getting caught by Gaara, who was chatting with Matsuri under a scrubby cypress tree) Host found Tayuya. She was sitting by herself. Perfect.

The man stepped out of the shadows, pulling down his hood to let her view his smooth golden hair.

(A/N for those of you who haven't figured it out yet Host's a vain bastard XD)

"Evening, Tayuya," he began smoothly. She looked up, almost startled. "Oh, it's you. What is it?" she asked curtly.

Host slowly took off his wrap-around sunglasses, revealing his cerulean eyes. "Oh, nothing, I just wanted to see you is all."

The redhead snorted, although she was starting to blush, remembering Host's appearance without the mask and Aburame collar. _Oh please don't take off the mask; please don't take off the mask, please…_ she thought feverishly. She may have been a tough tomboy, but she was also a woman.

Host took off the mask.

However, no sooner had he done that than a gash appeared down his eye. "Ow!" Host clutched at the injured part. "What in the name of fuck do you think you're doing?!" shouted a certain grey haired Akatsuki member.

For the second time in as many hours Host was beat en to a pulp.

A little later…

Neji sighed. Could this day get any worse? First an eccentric had abducted him, and then he had been forced to play a silly juvenile game, and worst of all he and Tenten had been in a fight!

"I might as well call to order the next round of this idiotic game," he said to himself.

He went around calling people into the circle. It was a slow; irritating business, and not everyone listened to him. Especially the odd blonde guy who had kissed the woman in the first round.

"Why should I listen to you, un?" he challenged, "Who made you leader?" After five minutes of heated debate, Neji decided to just give up on blondie.

A moment later, he found what he was looking for. An intercom system. It was hooked up to one of the computer banks, and looked about thirty years old, but it would do. He held the button and spoke into the microphone. "Would everybody please move back into the circle, we are about to start the second round," his voice echoed around the stadium.

In several minutes, everyone (even Deidara) had gotten back into the circle of chairs. "Alright, I believe it was your turn, Sakura," Neji announced when everyone was settled in. The kunoichi took a deep breath and stood up. "Sasuke," she began, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," came the cool reply.

"I need to know something. It's just something that I can't rest until I know the answer to. Sasuke…"

There was a moment of silence.

"…Do you love me?"

Everyone was stunned at the question. However, Sasuke sat as calm as ever, eyes closed.

Then: "No," he said, cruelly, "I do not."

"Ok," Sakura said in a very small voice.

Lee looked upon his lovely Sakura. He was as struck by that monster Sasuke's words as much as she had been. He had always known that Sakura didn't love him, she loved Sasuke, and he had learned to accept that, and live with it. However, at seeing his flower upset, and so obviously destroyed by a single word, he in turn was hurt.

"How can you say that!" he burst out, jumping from his seat.

"Say what?" replied Sasuke, "The truth? Believe me, it would have been far crueler to let her live in hope than to simply put out that light. This way I ended her suffering, I was kind."

Lee was furious but could not help but realize the logic in the Uchiha's words. He didn't quite know what to do. He had never been the nimblest with words, in spite of his intelligence. There was only one thing he could do.

Lee threw a kick.

Sasuke looked ready to dodge it, but before Lee connected, Host appeared in front of him. Lee's foot smashed into Host's ribs, of which three audibly broke. The man in black crumpled to the ground, coughing out a few words. "You see?" he hacked, blood dripping from his mouth, "This is why I said I would be absent this round, I knew you would try something like this, Rock Lee." Host passed out.

Lee looked horrified with himself. Not only had he just struck down an innocent man (more or less innocent), but he had also injured his host.

"I… I'm sorry!" he stammered, "I did not mean to strike Host, it was an accident!"

Several of the kabuki prop handlers (that's what we shall call them) came out and carried Host away. "Don't worry, Lee," sneered Sasuke, "I'm sure your foot just slipped."

Lee didn't want to start up that fight again, so he contented himself with a snarl at the raven-haired youth. Sitting back down, he said: "Sasuke, it is your turn."

"Very well, Deidara, truth or dare?" Sasuke asked his previous enemy.

"Hm? Oh, uh, dare I guess, un."

"From where you are, go to the stage, to the computer bank, to each of the columns. You may not cross your own path, and you may not jump over your previous path either."

All right, that seemed easy enough.

"And you may only take two steps."

Deidara fell off his chair.

"What? Two steps? That's impossible!" It did seem impossible.

Sasuke smirked. After analyzing this particular individual's jutsu, he knew that it could be done. He just wanted to see how long it would take blondie to figure it out.

Deidara thought. _If I use a chakra jump to the stage that would be one step, but then the computer bank would be another step, so that can't be done. Think! What can I do?_ And then it came to him.

Grinning, he stuck his hands into his clay pouches, biting off two chunks and softening the explosive. Soon enough he had a small bird in his hand. Making a seal, he enlarged it and jumped on it's back. _One step_, he thought.

The pyrotechnician flew to the stage, then looped around to the computer bank, then quickly skirted the outside of the coliseum, tapping each pillar with his hand. When he arrived back, he jumped off the bird. "Two!" he shouted, triumphant.

Sasuke was more than a little disappointed. He had thought Deidara might try something ridiculous first, or at least take a little longer to figure it out.

"My turn!" said Deidara, "Konan, truth or dare?" Konan was a little bit wary of Deidara at the moment, so she wasn't quite sure what to answer. She thought for a moment. Oh screw it. "Dare," she replied.

"Ok, sing!" Deidara replied evilly.

Now, for those of you who are confused by this dare, it was well known within the Akatsuki that Konan's singing voice was truly incredible. However, she refused to sing except on very special occasions, and barely ever then. She thought it was unbefitting of a rinnegan angel to indulge in such pleasantries as music or other pastimes. Many members had only ever heard her sing once or twice, but had never forgotten it. It had been the only beautiful thing in their depraved organization.

Pein had heard her sing seven times now. He felt that he could understand her singing more than anyone else. It spoke of a pain of its own, the kind of pain that one longs for and yet hates at the same time.

Kisame had heard her sing three times. He didn't really care about it that much, but it always made him upset at the end, sort of sad. That's why he didn't like it when she sang, because it hurt him.

Deidara had heard her sing only once, but he felt it to be the second most artful thing in the world.

Tobi had never heard her sing, but wanted to. "Come on, Konan!" he pleaded, "Just this once! Senpai says it's wonderful! Please?" Konan blushed to hear that Deidara had complimented her singing so highly (A/N remember, Deidara's picky about what he likes.) and so, emboldened by the praise, decided to relent, just this once.

She stood up and walked onto the stage, clearing her throat. Taking a deep breath, she started to sing. No one was sure what she sang, but they all knew it was incredible.

On the akatsuki side of things, Kisame was scowling, Itachi had his eyes closed, Tobi was lying on the ground, head supported in his hands. Deidara was listening with tears in his eyes; Zetsu was half in, half out of the ground, pausing to listen to this rare event.

And Pein, Pein sat in his chair, face impassive, but heart roiling with emotions.

Konan altered the key in which she sang, taking a higher, more heart wrenching tone, one that made you want to cry with sadness and laugh with joy at the same time. Pein for his part didn't want her to stop, even though the music made him feel terrible.

Konan finally stopped and returned to her seat, leaving her audience in awe.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I am soooooooo sorry!

I should have updated earlier, but what with high school and having to keep up on my procrastination I kinda screwed up. So, hopefully upload the next chappie on the weekend :D

(btw) sorry for the abrupt ending, I'll make the next ending a little more acceptable.

thanks to all my lovely reviewers!


	4. The strangest conversation

All right, first off, I'm really sorry about not updating in a long time. I will try my best to update regularly in the future. Secondly, I would like to give a big thanks to Twilightrocker55 and Kuragari for their kind and positive reviews!

This chapter is dedicated to both of you :)

So when we left off Konan was singing beautifully.

(btw, for those who are interested this story takes place in shippuden)

* * *

Konan sat down, leaving her audience in awe. No one knew what she had sung, but they knew that it was the most beautiful music they had ever heard. The song spoke of tears, heartbreak, love, happiness, joy, betrayal, and pain all at the same time. It was truly art.

"All right, your turn Konan," Kisame said roughly.

"Ok," Konan said softly. She cast around for someone to ask the question to.

"You, what's your name?" she asked to a young, blonde haired girl.

The girl seemed taken aback. "I-Ino," she stammered, "Ino Yamanaka."

"All right then, Ino Yamanaka, truth or dare?" asked the blue haired kunoichi.

"Um, truth I guess."

"Are you a lesbian?"

There was a moment of silence in which the tension in the group increased exponentially.

"A what?" Ino asked, deadly silent, "What did you say?"

"I asked if you were a lesbian, it's just that you look like you might be one."

Ino charged.

Konan dodged the blow easily but dropped her guard for a moment, creating an opening that Ino took full advantage of. Konan was struck hard in the side, winded. Ino wrestled her to the ground and pretty much began a full-fledged catfight.

It took Pein, Itachi, Naruto, Neji, and Sakura a full five minutes to break up the fray, and when they did both parties were covered in small cuts and bruises.

Sai for his part was furiously jotting down notes. He was so fevered about it that there was ink splattered all over his pale face. When he looked up from his scroll, he turned to the kunoichi.

"Ino, could you two do that again?" he asked with his trademark smile.

"Why?" she asked.

"Well, the thing is I think I felt something there."

Hearts appeared in Ino's eyes. Oh it was so perfect! The young, handsome boy deemed devoid of any emotions was helped by the young, beautiful girl to follow his heart, and eventually discover true love! It was a tale for books.

"Where did you feel it, Sai?" she asked, getting excited, "In your heart? In your head? Did it make you feel dizzy and woozy? Happy and sad at the same time?"

"No, it wasn't in my heart exactly it was in my…"

"Your turn, Ino!" shouted Sakura, cutting off the pale boy mid-sentence.

"Um, okay," Ino scanned the crowd, looking for a likely subject, "Shikamaru, truth or dare?"

After the Nara boy had been poked awake, he yawned: "All right then, truth I guess. Sheesh, such a drag."

"Who do you like then, hm?" she asked evilly.

Shikamaru froze mid-stretch. "Can't answer," he said confidently.

"What! Why not?"

"Well, 'hm' is not a question. You phrased 'who do you like' as a statement, then 'hm' as a question. So, I can't answer it. Also, like is a relative term. You could say I like all you guys, the question you're searching for is: 'who do you feel love towards?' So, I have no obligation to answer your question," Shikamaru then lay back down and fell asleep.

Silence.

"Oh my gosh! It's me isn't it?" Temari squeaked.

Another silence.

"I'll bite," said Ino tiredly, "How did you get that?"

"Well, he used the letter T in that explanation fourteen times fully, and secondly he's lying in my lap," answered the sand kunoichi. (Insert anime sweat drop to all readers here)

"Let's take a break," said Naruto, folding his hands behind his head, "I don't think the weirdo in black will mind."

Everyone rose from his or her seats, stretching after the long period of sitting.

"Hey, Tenten!" Naruto ran up to the weapons mistress, "Sorry about falling asleep on you there, I didn't mean to bug you. Did I say anything weird?"

Tenten raised an eyebrow. "Fell asleep on me? What are you saying, you pervert? You weren't anywhere near me."

The orange ninja was obviously confused. "But, I asked if I could sit next to you. It was right over there," he pointed.

"You idiot, I was nowhere near there."

"Then who was I asleep on?"

"I dunno."

"Oh. Well, can I talk to you anyway?"

"You want to talk? That's rare. Oh well, I guess so."

Naruto led her to a fallen column. Obviously this was his idea of a good place to talk.

"So, what's up?" asked Tenten curiously.

"Well, it's about Hinata," Naruto replied, scratching the back of his head.

Tenten's pulse quickened. This was either going to be very good or very bad. "Um, okay, no problem. What about her?"

"Well… um, well…"

She cuffed him upside the head.

"Spit it out, man!"

"She smells nice, doesn't she?"

Tenten fell from her seat.

"Smells nice?" she asked weakly.

"Yeah! Sort of a cinnamony smell. It's nice, isn't it? Nice hair too," Naruto felt he was on a roll here.

"Hair?"

"Yeah! All black and silky. Wait a second, didn't we have this conversation before?"

"No…"

"Oh yeah, that was when I fell asleep on someone. Do you know who it was?"

"No…"

"Ok, well, thanks Tenten! Gotta run!"

With that he left.

Neji took the place Naruto had vacated. "What was that all about?" he asked, indicating the retreating shinobi.

"He wanted to talk about your cousin," Tenten replied, still dazed by Naruto's abrupt departure.

"Hinata?"

"Obviously."

"What about?"

"Apparently she smells nice."

"She what?"

"That's what I said."

They sat in silence for a while. Neji was a little uncomfourtable around Tenten, he didn't know if she had forgiven him yet for the tiff they'd had earlier. Honestly, this was ridiculous! He was the great Neji Hyuuga! Prodigy of one of the most respected clans in Konoha! Why should he be worried because of a small argument he'd had with a teammate?

"Hey, Tenten?" he began.

"Yeah?"

"That Host…"

"What about him?"

"Well," he fidgeted uncomfourtably, "When he was flirting with you… you didn't take it seriously did you?"

"What? Of course not! What's gotten in to you all of a sudden?"

"So you don't find him attractive?"

"Well…" Tenten decided to mess with his head a little bit, "He's pretty handsome…"

"Tenten!"

She laughed, "No, Neji, I don't find him attractive."

He sighed audibly, and then quickly realized his mistake.

"I could swear you sound relieved, Neji," she remarked, leaning back.

"What? What are you talking about?" the nerves in his voice gave him away. He turned his head away, not wanting to look at his teammate. He was too ashamed.

Tenten grabbed him by the head and forced him to look at her.

"What?" he asked indignantly.

"Neji?"

"Tenten?"

"Kiss me, now, or I'll punch you."

He complied.

* * *

A/N

I am soooo sorry for not writing in such a long time! I promise the next chapter will be up sooner than this one!


	5. Host's Secret

**A/N**

**Cheerio chaps (and ladies) just a shout out to my lovely reviewers:**

**TobiGB: Thank you very much, that means a lot to me.**

**Ichiro Kuragari: Thanks! I hope you enjoy this chapter even more.**

**And to all the people who subscribed and favourited my story, thank you, it really inspires me :)**

**By the way, these shout outs will be a regular occurrence from now on, so remember to review!**

**So when we left off Naruto was sort of spilling his guts about Hinata (well, as much as you can expect from Naruto) and Neji kissed Tenten.**

* * *

Naruto Ran as fast as he could. He needed to see Hinata. The sprinting made him feel better, as though he was accomplishing something. He raced through the ruins, past small shrubs and grasses, the night air cooling his fevered brow.

He missed Hinata's company, her support, her friendship. It would be somewhat awkward to speak to her now, after the incident with Pein, but he needed to see her again at the least.

'Why am I doing this?' he wondered, 'I never thought Hinata meant this much to me.' _Well, _said the annoying voice of reason in his head, _she's your friend, isn't she?_

'Yeah,' he thought back, 'so? Sasuke is my friend too, so is Sakura, Sai, Gaara, Neji, Tenten, Ino, Shikamaru, Temari, Kankuro, Bushy-brow, Kiba, Shino…'

_Would you say that Hinata was one of your closer friends?_

'What, you mean like Sasuke, Gaara, and Sakura?'

Well, yeah sure, why not?

'I guess so…'

Would you say that Hinata was your best friend?

The blonde boy thought about all the support that the girl had given him over the years, her friendship, her kindness, her unyielding belief in him.

'But what about Sasuke?'

What has Sasuke ever done for you? Has he ever sacrificed himself to help you? Hinata almost died for you, boy. She was the only reason that you defeated Pein. Do you remember why she did all that? Have you even thought about it yet?

"She…" the words caught in Naruto's throat.

"She loves me."

Exactly. Now, would you say that she was your best friend?

It was about that time that Naruto noticed a conspicuous weight on his back. He stopped short, curious as to what this odd thing was. There was an "Oof!" and a thump behind him, and the weight vanished. Turning around he beheld…

"Host!"

"Hey."

"What the hell were you doing on my back?!"

"Just chatting," replied the older man.

"What the… how?"

Like this, fox boy.

"Whoa!" Naruto jumped backwards with a shout.

"Does that explain it?"

Host received a shake of the head.

With a sigh, he launched into a very long and complicated explanation:

"The brain is divided into three parts, the cerebrum, or conscious thought, the cerebellum, or unconscious thought, and the brain stem, instincts. All I had to do to remotely access your brain's hard drive was to stimulate the cerebral cortex through a stream of nebulous thought to…"

"Hold up!"

"What?"

"You can see in my mind?"

He didn't see Host's grin, but he felt it. A spine prickling, blood chilling display of teeth.

"Naruto, I am your mind."

* * *

Sai sat by himself, painting by the torchlight. He was particularly proud of this one. It was of a young girl kneeling on scorched grass, gasping to catch her breath. Her hair was unkempt, and thin trails of blood seeped from a wound on her cheek. She grasped a kunai in one hand, and the sky was red from distant fires.

Sai shook his head to clear it. Why did this girl remind him of someone he knew? Feeling a tap on his shoulder he turned his head to look into the smiling face of Ino Yamanaka.

"Hey, Sai!" she greeted him.

"Hello, gorgeous."

Sai couldn't understand why, but whenever he used that nickname she practically swooned into his arms. She barely resisted the temptation this time. Barely.

"What are you painting?" she purred.

"Oh, um…"The artist tried to cover his work. He hated in when people saw his paintings before they were done. She was too quick though. Resting her chin on his shoulder, she examined the portrait. He practically felt her mood change from bubbly to thoughtful.

"What made you paint this, Sai?"

Taking a moment to ponder the question, he answered: "I don't know what the term is."

Pulling up a nearby chair and sitting down beside him (remember that in the center of the coliseum there is that foldout stage, speakers, computer bank, and circle of chairs) she began: "Well, let's think."

The pale boy almost sighed out loud. He didn't feel like talking right now, he just wanted to paint. Oh well, maybe he could get her to leave quickly if he just nodded at everything she said.

"Did your heart beat faster while you were painting it?" she asked.

"Her."

"What?"

"Did my heart go faster when I was painting 'her'."

"Sorry, but did it?"

"Did what?"

"Did you heart go faster when you were… oh never mind. Was it a good or bad feeling that made you want to paint her?"

"Good. No, wait, bad. No, definitely good. Well, it was both."

"Ok, well the term you're looking for is: 'inspiration'," she finished with a small smile.

"Inspiration," he repeated, rolling the word around, "So, inspiration is a feeling, then?"

"Yep, all artists get it."

"Really? Only artists? Why not other people too?"

"Well, I suppose everyone feels that way sometimes, but only when they see or hear or think about something that makes them want to create."

"So… everyone gets it?"

"I suppose so. Now I'm confused!"

"Sorry, gorgeous," the nickname just slipped out.

"There's no need to be sorry, Sai," she laughed, "I'm just not sure whether I'm giving you an accurate definition or not."

They sat in silence for a while as Sai continued to paint. Suddenly a thought struck him.

"Ino," he began, "Would you go stand over there for a moment, please?" He pointed to a space about three metres in front of himself. She complied, and he studied her figure as she stood in the spot she had been directed to.

"What?" she asked, blushing, "You're looking at me funny."

It's her, he thought, in the painting she looks different, disheveled, but it's definitely her, no mistake. In real life he said: "Nothing, I was just thinking that you would make a lovely model. May I paint you sometime?"

Blushing heavily under the praise, Ino replied: "Of course, I'd be honoured!"

Why would she be honoured? I was just asking a favour. Well, I guess I did use the word lovely, so that could be seen as a compliment. "Great," he said with his trademark smile.

* * *

"What do you mean you're my mind?!" Naruto shouted at the small man before him.

By way of an answer, the man in question lowered his hood, unwrapped his sunglasses from his head, unzipped his high collared coat, and pulled off his mask.

"S-so that's what you look like," Naruto gasped.

What he saw before him was a lean young man of about 18 or 19 with black hair that stuck out in every direction and bright green eyes. His skin was tanned and weather-beaten, his nose was slightly hooked, and a red vest.

"Yes, this is what I look like to you," said Host.

"To me? What do you mean by that?"

Host sighed, re-zipping his coat. "That," he said adjusting his mask, glasses, and hood, "Is an answer for another time." And like a plume of smoke, he dissipated into thin air.

To say the least, Naruto was shaken. That was no jutsu he had ever seen before. It didn't even look like a jutsu at all. Teleportation or unsummoning techniques usually happened with a crack, poof, or bang, but this guy had just blown away as though he were made of dust! Suddenly their mind conversation came back to the blonde boy. "Hinata," he muttered out loud, and resumed his search for the midnight haired girl.

* * *

Host was glad to have gotten away from that particular conversation. He didn't really want to explain himself right now, there were more pressing matters to attend to. "Let's see what's happening with Neji and Tenten, shall we?" he hissed to himself. Sweeping through the darkness he headed toward the place where he could sense the two ninjas' presence. The moonlight cast a silvery glow over everything that he ran through and leapt over, but the effect was lost on the man. Text flickered across his vision as a small crosshair scampered to cover the spots that his ever-moving pupils examined. The shadows were heavy in the coliseum, disguising small shrubs and patches of crumbled marble. These shadows did not exist to the specter moving through the night. He saw everything in a sickly green garnished with a soulless, grainy quality.

With one great leap he reached his destination, zooming in on his targets. I sound like a machine, Host thought to himself, Targets, honestly, they're people.

Neji and Tenten were sitting hand in hand on a fallen pillar, her head on his shoulder. They gazed up at the stars together, Neji occasionally pointing out constellations or naming stars. Host crouched there in his hiding place, watching them, staring at their contentment. It didn't make sense to him. The Hyuuga, his calmness around the girl by his side. Host spotted his ever so slight quivering, but that was infinitesimal in comparison to his confidence.

Host leapt blindly down from the pillar he crouched on, landing with a painful thump. He grunted in discomfourt as the ground's shockwave radiated through his thin body, momentarily forgetting to keep quiet around these shinobi. Neji and Tenten's heads snapped around with lightning speed, searching for the cause of the disturbance. Host held his breath nervously, hoping against hope that he would not be discovered.

"What was that?" Tenten asked.

"Hold on," replied Neji, "Byakugan!"

Scanning the area, the Hyuuga saw nothing but bats and reptiles.

"Nothing, it must have been a rock falling or something."

A chill breeze swept past the two shinobi, causing Tenten to shiver. Although it was very slight, Neji felt in nonetheless. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, offering her his warmth.

I feel so girly, Tenten thought as she snuggled into Neji's chest, but this is just soooo comfourtable.

"That's enough, Hyuuga."

Both ninja jumped up for the second time, drawing kunai. They were shocked at what they beheld.

"Host?" Tenten addressed him, bewildered.

"You again!" Neji growled.

"Me again, Hyuuga," Host replied coldly

"What are you doing here?" asked the weapons mistress.

"Just… checking up on you two."

"We don't need checking up on, Host," Neji retorted.

"Oh but I think you do," the man in black cast off his cloak to reveal a flowing black shirt underneath and black trousers tied up from ankles to shins, "I really think that you need checking up on."

"What are you playing at?"

"This." Host threw a twelve-pointed shuriken, spinning like a deadly saw blade towards Neji. Blocking the projectile effortlessly, the Hyuuga prodigy activated his Byakugan.

Host grinned savagely, running towards his opponent. Excellent, he thought, this makes my work even easier.

Neji was given a nasty surprise at the moment he activated his Byakugan. He could see everything except Host. Looking around in utter confusion for a moment he felt a nasty blow on the back of his head. Spinning to face his attacker he was still presented with nothing but air. Another blow struck him in the stomach, making him double over.

"Neji!" shouted Tenten, unfurling her combat scroll. Why wasn't Neji fighting back? Host was right there! Neji's eyes could see everything, so why was he acting as though he couldn't see Host?

Summoning twelve kunai she hurled them towards the man in black. The weapons flew in a perfect arc, three burying themselves in the flesh of Host's back. He slumped to the ground, groaning in pain.

Tenten ran to her opponent. Handsome face or no handsome face he was going to die for attacking Neji!

Speaking of Neji, the Hyuuga was still whirling around blindly, searching for his invisible enemy. Now was time to see what Host's secret was.

"Neji, you can deactivate your eyes now, he's down," Tenten informed him, kneeling beside Neji's fallen attacker.

The Hyuuga soon joined her beside the man in black, quickly pulling off Host's mask and sunglasses. Tenten was once again treated to a view of Host's soft brown eyes and aquiline nose. His straight brown hair was tousled from the full-face mask, and his normally bright complexion had paled to a sickly pallor.

"Host!" she snapped, "I think we deserve some answers right about now! Who are you and why have you got us all here?"

Gritting his teeth in pain, he shuddered into a position where he was looking into Tenten's eyes.

"Tenten," he choked on his own words, "I was always pretty sure that it would be you who would take me down. Beauty often comes with deadliness."

Beauty? Tenten had never thought of herself as particularly pretty. Mind, she hadn't really cared either. What was Host going on about?

"Just answer the questions!" she said harshly.

Host grinned at her gently.

"I am everyone here."

A/N

**ALRIGHT! Fifth chapter done, my darlings! I am really sorry that I haven't updated in a long time. Maybe if I got a few reviews for this chapter I would update sooner ;)**

**So review, my lovelies, and maybe I'll write the next chapter faster.**

*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*

Shikamaru and Temari lay together on the ground, gazing at the night sky.

"Hey, Shikamaru, a penny for your thoughts?" Temari asked.

"I was thinking I might put my arm around your shoulders."

She put his arm around her shoulders and snuggled closer to him.

After about ten minutes she asked again: "Shikamaru? A penny for your thoughts?"

"I was thinking I might give you a kiss."

So he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek as she blushed.

After another ten minutes she asked: "Shikamaru, a penny for your thoughts?"

Then he frowned and said: "Well, I was wondering when you were going to give me those three pennies."

* * *

**Haha! Yeah…**

**Also, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going to go with this. If you have an idea please leave a comment expressing your opinion. Plz, the story is in your hands! O.O**


	6. A friend in need

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, one fine and upstanding gentleman in Japan by the name of Masashi Kishimoto does.

A/N

IMPORTANT! READ FIRST

So, here is chapter number six. So guys, I really need to know, do you guys want me to continue? I haven't been getting many reviews, so I don't know what is on your minds. Many many thanks to my faithful reader Ichiro Kuragari and Hitokiri Shinzui.

So, all you guys that read this please leave a review saying whether you want me to keep writing or whether I should stop.

Here are the promised shout-outs:

Ichiro Kuragari: Thank you, I tried to make that chapter a little longer than usual.

Hitokiri Shinzui: Thanks! You'll find out soon enough :)

So, on with the story.

* * *

Konan sat by herself on the fringe of the coliseum. I'm afraid there isn't a word for her mood at that particular time, so let us settle for the phrase: 'wierded out'. Usually the origami artist was confident in any surroundings, having been trained for any circumstances, but now the tiny voice of uncertainty gnawed at her mind. She had never known any structures like the one she presently sat in, and to her credit she had been around most of the ninja world. Well, all of it actually. Still, for some reason unbeknownst to her the eternal darkness and eerie white glow of the pillars and arches made her skin crawl.

"Konan," a voice came from the darkness.

She didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Yes, Pein?" she replied.

"I wish a word with you."

She stood up, obediently awaiting further instruction.

"Here is fine," the rinnegan master said, "Please sit down."

She did as she was told, resuming her former position.

"It is about Deidara that I wish to speak."

Konan almost sighed in relief. She had been afraid that Pein had wanted to drill her about something. She didn't know why, as he had never had cause to do so before, but nevertheless she had been worried.

"Deidara? What, you mean the ridiculous incident that happened earlier?"

"Yes," was the curt reply.

After a moment of silence Konan said, "What about it?"

"I hope that you are not distracted from Akatsuki's goals by said incident?"

"Of course not, why do you ask?"

"I would not want something to… befall you."

"What do you mean?"

"Deidara is not exactly the most constant of men, and meaning no offense to him, neither is he the sanest."

"You think that Deidara would hurt me?"

"It is a risk I would not like to take. We cannot afford fighting within our own ranks," If one looked very closely they might notice that Pein seemed a little uncomfourtable.

"Let me get this straight," Konan said, anger beginning to bubble in her chest, "Are you saying that if I were to spend time around Deidara he might do something violent out of insanity which might cause me harm? Or did you mean hurt in another way?"

"I…" Pein trailed off uncertainly.

"You think that I'm taking all of this seriously? That the silly dare that Deidara pathetically gave into actually meant something?" She was close to shouting now, all traces of respect blown away by anger.

"Konan, calm down," the pierced man was losing his composure.

"I am calm!" she roared, "I am not your servant that you must keep tabs on every hour of the day! I am perfectly well trained both physically and emotionally to deal with injuries of all kinds be they of the body or mind, but apparently you still don't have confidence in my abilities! What do I have to do to prove this to you?!"

"Konan…"

"No! I don't have to stand here and take this from you!" and with that she stormed off.

Pein put his face in his palm, quickly withdrawing it again when he pricked his fingers. He had not thought that his female partner might take his warning in such a way. He would have to try again later, after she'd had time to cool off.

Konan walked furiously towards nowhere, the night air stinging the tears from her eyes. Pein could be so thoughtless sometimes! Of course she didn't take the incident seriously, why would he think that? Furthermore, why would he care? He knew perfectly well that she could take care of herself emotionally and physically, so why would he become so nervous now?

Her musings were interrupted when she bumped into a slender figure. Honestly, out of all the space in this wretched place how did she manage to bump into someone?

"Hm? Konan?" a familiar voice said.

Konan's anger flared higher at hearing Deidara speak. This was all his fault! If he hadn't given into that stupid dare then none of this would have happened.

"Deidara…" she said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah? What is it, hm?"

She was about to let her anger burst forth in the form of five fingers curled into one satisfying argument when something stopped her. In her fury-clouded mind the tiny spark of a plan began to form.

"Hey, Deidara?"

"I'm still right here."

"Could you do me a favour?"

* * *

Host fell unconscious. Excellent.

Tenten slapped him across the face in an attempt to wake him up, but succeeded in getting nothing more than a tingling hand for her troubles.

"Neji, how do we wake up this creep?"

He shook his head, still in confusion about how he had not managed to see the black clad man with Byakugan. "I-I don't understand," he said in confusion, "My eyes can see everything, how could I have missed him?"

"Now isn't the time, right now we need to wake him up and interrogate him," replied Tenten, returning to the task at hand, "Can you get me some cold water?"

He turned to go, wondering where he might find water in a place like this.

Tenten regretfully watched him go. Of course, the water would be helpful, but the truth was that she didn't want him to hear her the following conversation.

She got up and straddled Host's chest, slapping his face once, twice, three times. There was still no response. "Come on, Host, wake up!" she whispered, starting to get nervous. What if Neji saw her in this compromising position?

As if he had heard, Host's eyes opened and closed a few times before settling on Tenten's worried face. "There's no need to be worried about me," he rasped, "I'll be okay. Probably," he added after coughing up a lattice of blood.

"Liar," she responded, "Anyway, what did you mean by: "I am everyone here"?"

Host looked confused, "Just what I said. By the way, why does my face hurt?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes! Tell me!"

"No, not yet."

"What?!"

"I said no."

"I heard you, you idiot, what I meant is why not?"

"Now is not the time, but I assure you, Tenten, everything shall be revealed in due course," Host spoke these last words almost affectionately.

"Yeah, it had better be. Furthermore, what did you mean when you said that beauty often comes with deadliness?"

"It was the other way around actually, but again I meant just what I said."

"Would it kill you to say anything outright?"

"Sorry, ok, what I meant was that you are beautiful."

Tenten nearly fell off his chest. Of course, she had suspected that that's what he had meant, but hearing it so plainly in his own words was still a shock.

"You… you think I'm beautiful?" Tenten knew it was a cheesy question, but she couldn't think of any other way to put it.

"No, Tenten, I know you are beautiful," Host smiled, and passed out again.

She got up off of his chest and suddenly remembered that he had lost about enough blood to stun a butcher. Quickly she took bandages from her bag and set about carefully withdrawing the kunai from the Man's back. It was a tricky business, as lying on his back had pushed the weapons very deeply into his flesh. Neji soon returned with the water (apparently he had found a washroom built into the aged marble, and so had filled up the bag he carried on his back). Tenten used the water to clean the blood off of Host's skin, and then she applied the bandages after staunching another flow of the crimson fluid.

"Did you get him to wake up in my absence?" asked Neji.

"Yeah, he woke up for a little while."

"What did he say?"

"He," Tenten debated with herself about telling Neji what Host had said. She hated keeping secrets, especially from her close friends. "He said that he was everyone here, and that he would explain everything later."

"Did he say anything else?"

Sometimes it was scary how well Neji could read her. "He called me beautiful," she added in a small tone.

"Is that all?" the Hyuuga asked.

"Is that… is that all?! Neji, no one's every called me anything like that before, especially not strange men who I know nothing about and make us play truth or dare! This is the first time anyone has ever complimented me that heavily, and it kind of makes an impression on a girl!"

"Not strictly true, Lee often says how youthful you look when you show up for training in the morning, and seven months ago I said that you looked very nice as I meditated at the training grounds."

"Neji, that's… well, it's not the same as being called beautiful. I know it's stupid, and I don't know why but it affects me."

"I'm sorry, I did not mean any offense," Neji apologized.

"Forget it, I know you didn't."

They sat there with the unconscious form of Host for a short while in silence before Neji put his arm around Tenten's shoulders again. She looked at him in surprise.

"I'm sorry, it's just, it was very comfourtable at the time before Host showed up."

Tenten smirked, leaning her head on his shoulder once more.

* * *

Gaara woke up groggily. Sleeping was so strange; he didn't know why people did it.

"Good morning, Gaara-sensei," he was greeted by a familiar voice, "Did you sleep well?"

Gaara grunted by way of a response. His siblings often referred to morning people and night people; apparently, he was not a morning person.

"Did I miss anything important?" Asked the sand master.

"Nope, nothing so far as I can tell. You might want to get up though, I think another session is starting."

For a moment Gaara didn't know what she meant. His confusion must have shown on his face because she laughed.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," Matsuri gasped, "It's just I've never seen you confused before!"

With another grunt Gaara got up and they both headed towards the circle of chairs. While they walked Gaara realized that he enjoyed Matsuri's company. Of course, she was his former student, but it was like she had become more than that since he had begun to train her, she was his friend. Gaara didn't have many friends, apart from Uzumaki and his own siblings, so when he did make a new one he held them closely.

Taking a seat in the circle, the two waited patiently for the other participants to arrive. When everyone had sat down, Sakura piped up: "Hey, Hinata, Naruto, Tenten, Neji, Temari, and Shikamaru are all missing."

"Maybe they didn't notice that a new round was starting," offered Ayame.

"Maybe they got killed," suggested Hidan with a bloodthirsty grin.

Tayuya smacked him upside the head. "Hidan, don't be such an insensitive prick, they're probably just injured."

This did nothing to reassure the friends of said individuals.

"I'll go look for them," said Kiba, getting up from his seat, "Me and Akamaru should be able to sniff them out pretty quickly." With that he leapt astride his dog and took off.

"Ok, let's get started," yawned Deidara, "Who's turn was it last?"

"It was Shikamaru's, but he isn't here at the moment so I guess we'll have to choose someone else," said Ino from across the circle.

There was a brief moment of silence in which the only sounds were of a bat flying overhead and the rustle of clothing.

"Fuck it, I'll go," said Hidan, cracking his knuckles, "Tayuya, truth or dare?"

The red haired girl seated next to him looked smug. "Dare," she replied mysteriously.

"I dare you to kiss me wildly in front of all these people," he smirked.

"Done," came the reply.

After about ten minutes the others were able to pry them apart after splashing a bucket of water on them, and even then it was difficult.

"My turn," gasped Tayuya, readjusting her bedraggled outfit, "Hey you, what's your name, uh, bitch, truth or dare?" she pointed towards Ayame.

The ramen chef bristled. "My name is Ayame, I'll have you know! And I am not a bitch."

Tayuya rolled her eyes. "Whatever, just answer the question, bitch."

"Truth," she said, and then in an undertone, "You whore."

"Truth? Ok, give me a second."

Ayame waited patiently while her newfound enemy took significantly more than a second to make a decision. Then, finally: "All right, if you were the last woman alive would you be willing to mother all the children in the new world?"

"No," came the curt reply, "Sakura, truth or dare?"

"Truth," said the pink haired girl.

"So have you and Lee hooked up yet?"

There was a series of wolf whistles from around the group while the two individuals in question blushed bright red.

"Well, no, why would you think that?" Sakura laughed uncomfourtably.

Lee looked crestfallen.

"Sasuke, truth or dare?" she said, moving on quickly. It was not like Sakura to be this flustered.

"Dare," the raven-haired youth replied. It was with that one word that his torture began.

"Ok, Sasuke, here is your dare. You must not cut, wash, or comb your hair for one week. You may not use jutsu to groom yourself in any way, nor may you get someone else to do it for you. You must wear a hood and facemask at all times, along with a thick cloak. Once a day you may take off the hood and mask to have one part of your hair cut, I will let you choose which part. If you can't do this then you have to start over and go for two weeks, if you fail that then you have to go for three weeks, and so forth."

No one spoke for a while.

"And If I succeed?" asked Sasuke coolly.

"Then we'll abandon all attempts to bring you back to Konoha."

"I accept."

"Um, Sakura?" Lee asked in a worried tone of voice, "How long have you been planning this dare?"

"Actually it just came to me," she replied, wiping her forehead.

It was at this moment that Kiba reappeared with Neji, Tenten, Temari, Shikamaru, and, surprisingly, a bandaged and bleeding Host.

"Host, what happened to you?" asked Tobi in surprise.

"I slipped off a pillar and landed on some rocks. Tenten here found me and patched me up."

"You slipped off a pillar in your own place? That's priceless!" laughed the masked man.

"Tobi, shut up!" snapped Deidara, "You'll wake up Konan." He jerked his thumb towards the woman beside him who seemed to have fallen asleep on his shoulder. If one looked extra closely they might notice the flicker of a smirk that passed across Deidara's face at that time. This detail did not escape Host's flickering eyes.

"Tenten, that was very good of you!" said Lee proudly, springing from his seat, "To help a man we barely know in his time of need, you are truly the Good Samaritan today!"

Tenten blushed, trying not to give away the fact that it had indeed been her that had caused Host's injuries.

"Anyhow, don't let me interrupt you. What was the last truth or dare then?" asked Host, trying to sound polite.

"Sasuke's got to wear a cloak and mask all the time," proffered Sai, "And he can't cut his hair either."

"For how long?" asked the dark man curiously.

"A week," replied the pale youth, "And if he fails then he has to do it again for two weeks."

Host was surprised. "And Uchiha agreed to this?"

"On the condition that if he succeeds there will be no more attempts to bring him back to Konoha," Sai finished.

"Sakura, that is a very risky gamble you're taking," Host turned his head towards Sakura, trying to look disapproving through his mask.

"How did you know that it was me who dared him?" asked the kunoichi.

"I just know, but that doesn't matter right now. What if he succeeds? You only gave yourself one back door, and that banks on the possibility of him giving up. Now, I don't know about you but I can't see Uchiha giving up without a fight."

Sakura stood frozen for a moment, taking in the truth of the stranger's words.

"Well, we'll just see about that I guess," she said, bravely keeping most of the tremble out of her voice.

Host sighed, "Alright, let's just move on. By the way, Deidara, why is Konan on your shoulder?"

If he had been able to at that exact moment the pyrotechnician would have folded his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair. Since he couldn't without dislodging Konan's sleeping form, he contented himself with a smug grin.

"Well, I guess she just realized that she needed a real man in her life, hm," he explained condescendingly.

"A real man? More like a fake one, you old gay," Hidan jeered.

Deidara closed his eyes and opened his palm to reveal a small clay grasshopper. The explosive insect hopped down from his palm over to the laughing Hidan, climbing into the immortal's open mouth.

"Hey, grey head," Deidara caught Hidan's attention, "Guess what?"

Hidan stopped laughing. "What?" he asked warily.

"KATSU!" the artist roared, making the hand sign.

A muffled boom was heard as Hidan swelled up like a balloon in the space of about two seconds. Smoke poured out of his mouth and nose as he lost consciousness. It was the most ridiculous thing anyone had ever seen. Tayuya on the other hand was not impressed.

"What did you do to him, shit head?" she cried, rushing over to the fallen akatsuki member.

"Hm? Did I miss something?" Konan asked, having been startled awake by Deidara's shout. When she caught sight of the deflating Hidan she burst into a fit of laughter.

Host face-palmed, "Look, can we just continue the game?"

Sasuke was almost happy to oblige; this whole blowing up immortals affair bored him.

"Host, truth or dare?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Dare, I suppose."

"Explain who you are, right here, right now."

* * *

Ok guys, this chapter has come to an end. Remember to leave a review saying if you want me to continue, and also what you thought of the chapter. If there are no reviews or very few then I'll take it as a no and discontinue the story. Anyway, here's the omake.

OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*

Sai sat painting once again. He was disturbed by a noise behind him. Smiling at the approaching figure he said: "Hello, gorgeous."

Ino smiled back sweetly, then said: "Sai, take off my shirt."

Confusedly he did so. "Sai, take off my skirt," Ino said just as sweetly as before."

Somewhat nervously he complied. "Now take off my wraps, Sai."

With trembling fingers he undid the hip bandages.

Then, in a voice as sweet as honey, Ino said: "Sai, take off my bra and panties."

As nervous as he was, Sai barely managed to slide them off.

"Good, now," Ino's face lost any traces of previous kindness, "Don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again!" She grabbed the discarded garments, leaving the pale boy to keep himself from freezing.

Oh, oh ho ho! Oh ha, ha… hehe, hm. Ahem, so there you have it.


	7. Host's Truth

Righto, my lovelies, I've decided to continue the story! (Balloons in background)

I want to thank you guys for the reviews, namely Hitokiri Shinzui, Chellythemadhatter, and Ichiro Kuragari! Thanks you guys, you're the best :)

So, where did we leave off? Ah yes, Host thinks Tenten is beautiful and Neji isn't too happy about it. Oh, and did I mention that Host has been outsmarted through his own plan being used against him?

* * *

"Explain who you are, right here, right now," Sasuke ordered from his chair. The chair was a rickety job made of bamboo and string and looked like a breeze could knock it over, but when coupled with the Uchiha's dark appearance and air of cold and absolute control it took on all the terrible grandeur of Satan's throne.

Host paled as much as his already blood-drained face would let him.

"I…I suppose I have no choice," the black-clad man stammered.

"Correct," replied Sasuke coldly.

Host dislodged himself from Tenten's grudgingly helping hand to stand in the circle of chairs.

Slowly, unwillingly, Host put down his hood, pulled off his facemask, unzipped his jacket, and untied his glasses. He did all this very methodically, as though he were merely presenting himself as an exhibit.

For a while no one spoke, until Host began to explain.

"As you can see, I'm complicated."

He was complicated. His appearance was very indistinct, like a series of images all flashing in quick succession. His hair would be black, then brown, then blonde and spiky, then white and lank. His skin tone flickered from pale as a ghost to dark as night, while one could barely look at his face it changed with such rapidity. But with each face the expression was unmistakable: that of bitter regret.

"How… how?" asked Lee simply.

Host's expression never faltered as he provided an answer: "I'm not what you would call real," he began cryptically, "The true mechanics of my being are too complicated for idle chit chat, so I shall provide you with an approximate explanation." Host's voice had changed from the warm, fake one that they all knew and despised to one of cold logic and observation.

"Thoughts exist as energy, correct?" without waiting for an answer he plowed on, "When such energy overlaps with itself it creates matter, or the illusion of matter."

"This is all very interesting," said Tobi with a yawn, "But it still doesn't explain the Uchiha's question."

"I'm getting there, just be patient," Host reassured him in what was far from a reassuring voice, "When Sasuke left Konoha, everyone heard about it. At that point, a single idea came into each of your minds, and that was to get Sasuke back. It didn't happen exactly at the same time for each of you, but it was close enough. That overlapping idea is what originally gave me form. At first I was no more than a blip in a huge cosmos, a bump in the nebulous flow, but I was a disturbance nonetheless, like a pearl in an oyster. You in the sound five, you all wished to keep Sasuke with you. You in the Akatsuki, you considered the idea of assassinating Sasuke to keep Orochimaru from gaining power. All of you thinking another idea about the same target at overlapping times contributed to my being.

"These opened up pathways for me, as it were, crude disturbances that angled thoughts concerning that particular subject towards me. I fed on the thoughts, becoming stronger, gaining more and more form.

"My form flickers as it does because all your minds are separate and unique. I can only take on the true appearance of having form when I zero in on one of your minds exclusively, and even then I cannot choose how I appear. When I concentrate solely on one of your minds then I will look like what you wish to see, what you expect or hope for. I am, in essence, all of your minds."

The flickering figure sat down on the ground, cradling his ever-changing skull in indistinct hands.

"B-but you bled!" protested Tenten, "When I hit you with those kunai, you bled from the wounds!"

"No," came the muffled reply, "I bled from your intent in those kunai. The hatred sealed in them ruptured my form."

"What about when I kicked you?" asked Lee, "I heard your ribs break!"

"Again, it was your intent," answered Host.

"But I bear no grudge against you!" Lee protested.

"You did not truly wish to hurt Sasuke Uchiha, not in your heart of hearts. A split second before your kick made contact your mind's own horror at the action coupled with the Uchiha target pulled me in to take the brunt of the force."

There was a silence, in which the only sound was of distant cicadas and the wind through scrubby trees.

"So why us?" asked Neji, "Why now, and above all what for?"

"I don't know," said Host despondently, "I merely felt that this is what was needed."

* * *

Naruto ran. He had checked everywhere he could for Hinata. Upon obtaining no results, he checked everywhere again, but still to no avail. Where was she? He was starting to get worried. Well, if he was completely honest he was barely holding back the panic that threatened to engulf him. Where could she be?

Hinata was sitting by herself atop the highest column she could find. Tears stung her eyes as she stared at the omnipresent full moon.

She hadn't heard what Naruto had meant to say about her that time just hours before. Well, she didn't know really as it was difficult to keep track of time here. She dared not guess what he might have said, lest she gain false hopes. She was still trying to crush her feelings, convince herself that she and him would never be together, but this new development gave her hope. It was that tiny, cruel, maddening spark of hope that she wept about now. _Honestly, he must have been half asleep _she thought to herself, _he probably didn't even know what he was saying._ But the hope was still there.

Naruto continued his search, clutching the stitch in his side and trying desperately to acquire enough oxygen to fill his lacerated lungs. But he couldn't stop now, not yet. He wouldn't stop until he had found his friend.

Where was she? He had searched every nook and cranny of the coliseum but there was still no trace of her. Where had he not checked?

(Flashback)

"Ah! Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto whined after Kakashi had ambushed him from above during training once again, "Can't you cut me a little slack? I mean, you're a jounin, right? Seriously, I'm still learning!"

With a sigh Kakashi stopped twisting Naruto's arm behind his head.

"Naruto, you're a ninja now, you have to think in three dimensions; not just left and right, but up and down as well."

"Oh, right!" the orange ninja folded his arms behind his head, "Yeah, I was just testin' ya Kakashi-sensei, I already knew that!"

(End flashback)

"Up and down…" Naruto muttered, "Of course!"

With a chakra infused leap, he leapt to the nearest pillar, springing from one to another, searching for the highest one from which to survey the others. Finally his eyes alighted upon an edifice that must have reared two hundred feet into the air.

"That one," he muttered to himself, making a beeline for it.

Hinata wiped tears from her eyes in vain. She shouldn't have begun to cry in the first place. Those first tears that slipped from the edges of her eyes had opened up pathways for others, starting with a stream and developing into a painful flood. Every tear she wiped away came back tenfold.

Hinata had never really known her mother; she had never had the chance. Sometimes she would watch small children with their mothers in the street. Whenever the child scraped his knee his mother would always be there, tutting and kissing it better, doing everything she could to comfourt the poor thing. And now, as Hinata looked out at the cold, clear sky and into that moon as bright and pale as her own eyes, she wished that she had someone there to comfourt her.

A scuffling sound from behind brought her back to reality.

"Wh-who's there?" she asked, turning her head to face the interruption.

What she was greeted with was a full frontal view of an orange blur with a very startled look on its face hurtling straight towards her.

_Oh no, _thought Hinata.

_Oh shit, _thought the blur.

Now, in any other circumstances they would have collided and gone plunging some two hundred feet to the hard, unforgiving ground. However, as it was, Naruto barely managed to stick out his foot and catch the sharp edge of the column's cornice (A/N that's the flat bit right at the top). When he did this, two things happened simultaneously: one, his trajectory abruptly came to a halt, and two, diabolical pain exploded up his leg.

"Ow…" he said feebly, crumpling in mid-air.

Quick as a flash Hinata caught his hand in hers before he could fall to his almost imminent doom. She blushed slightly at the fact that they were holding hands, but smothered the emotion.

Once she had hauled Naruto's dazed form onto the twelve-foot-square platform, she (with considerable difficulty seeing as her hands were shaking violently) rolled up his trouser leg and checked for injuries.

It turned out that the chakra infused leap had provided him with sufficient momentum to not only smash the delicate bones in his feet, but also to splinter his right shin. Perfect.

Well, Hinata wasn't very good at healing, but she would do her best… for Naruto.

Gradually she gathered a cloud of green chakra around her palm, directing it gently towards each of his feet in turn, only stopping when she heard the bones pop into place.

When his left foot cracked into action, Naruto's eyes flew open.

"Hey! What'd I miss, what'd I miss? Oh, hi Hinata, what's going on?"

Then suddenly:

"OOOW!" he wailed, clutching his shin in pain.

"N-Naruto, don't roll around like that! Y-you'll fall!"

Abruptly he stopped moving, but didn't cease his groaning.

"Ugh, what happened?"

* * *

Host was still cradling his head in his hands, knees drawn up to his chest like a child.

"So," Deidara began, "What happens now, hm?"

"Well," the curled up creature said, "I could show you to your rooms I suppose."

There was a general murmur of agreement. It had been about seventy-two hours since they had all arrived, and those who had not managed to sleep on the ground or in chairs were exhausted.

Host threw on his cloak and mask, walking towards the blank coliseum wall. A section of wall blew away like dust as they neared it, leaving an open, torch-lit space beyond.

"Neat trick," smirked Kisame, "How'd you do it?"

"Ever notice how sometimes your thoughts can just disappear like a plume of smoke?" Host said without turning around.

He led the large group through the dimly lit corridor, eventually coming to an intersection of tunnels.

"To the right are the ladies' quarters, the rooms will have you names on the doors. To the left go the men; your rooms too will have your names on the doors," Host explained, "Straight ahead there is a parlour that you may sit in and enjoy yourselves if you like. I also reside at the end of this hall, so if you need anything then just knock."

He walked into the thick blanket of darkness, leaving no doubt as to their dismissal.

The separate factions of male and female ninja headed their different ways. Konan however detached herself from the general throng and tugged at Deidara's elbow. Looking down, he seemed surprised to see her.

"Konan, what is it?"

"I want to know how you think the plan is going?"

He grinned. "Pretty well, did you see Pein's face earlier? He looked like he was about to explode!"

She laughed half-heartedly, "Yeah, he wasn't happy."

There was a pause, then Deidara said with a yawn: "Well, goodnight, Konan." "Goodnight, Deidara," she smiled.

As the walked in opposite directions, she suddenly turned around. "Oh, um, Deidara?"

"Hm?" he answered, turning his head.

"Thanks."

He chuckled, "No problem. Anyway, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed messing with someone's head this much."

* * *

A/N

Whew, ok guys, thanks for waiting.

I hope I wrote this chapter all right, because believe me, the last thing I want is for this story to sound at all sappy or unrealistic. So, click that big button that says REVIEW on it and tell me what you think, my lovelies.

Oh my, what's this? An omake perhaps?

*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*

Pein sat in his office, poring over a stack of papers. The Akatsuki had decided to have a pun competition, and all of the members had submitted a pun of their own. They had asked him to decide which pun was the greatest, and deserving of the grand prize (grand prize being two weeks off work in a village of their choice).

Ten puns, ten members, ten possible winners. How was he supposed to choose?

The Next day everyone assembled in the extraction chamber to hear what their leader had to say.

"Who won?" asked Zetsu, cutting straight to the point.

"Well," Pein began, "They were all pretty terrible, I must say."

"Oh just tell us who gets the fucking vacation!" Hidan said rudely.

"Which pun was the best? Which one won?" asked Tobi eagerly.

"Which one won? Well, none of them actually qualified as real puns, so really no pun in ten did."

* * *

Oho! Oh haha! Oh hehehe, get it? No pun in ten did? (No pun intended) Haha! Ooooh, obscure joke when its not told out loud. Hehe, anyway, I'll write again in a while my dears.


	8. On a Windswept Column

A/N

Phew, that was a short wait! Ok, chapter eight, my lovelies. I wanna thank all you guys for all your positive feedback on the last chapter (really glad it turned out ok O.O) and also thanks to the people who had a look at my new NejiTen oneshot "Here Comes the Next Contestant". So, the shout outs for this chapter go to:

Animusic96

Wow! You commented on four chapters! Haha, don't worry; there'll be some good old NaruHina in this chapter! I'm so glad you like the story so much ^w^

Hitokiri Shinzui

Hehe, yeah, I was having a little trouble thinking of an omake for that chapter.

So, on with the chapter then, my lovelies!

One more disclaimer: Saw, Dead Silence, and Bogeyman all belong to their respective owners, and I claim no ownership of them whatsoever.

Deidara sat on the top bunk of a bunk bed that had been built into the limestone walls of the room he currently occupied. Host had not lied entirely when he said that they would have their own rooms. As it was, each door seemed to have three or four names on it, so the room he resided in was also shared with Tobi, Hidan, and Kisame.

"Sheesh, I'm bored," sighed Hidan from the top bunk opposite Deidara.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep? Some of us are actually tired you know," Kisame grumbled, voice muffled from the pillow over his head.

"Because I don't trust blondie over there not to do something freaky while I'm unconscious, fish boy!" Hidan snapped at the blue man underneath him.

"Will you just shut up?" shouted Deidara, "Haven't I already proven that I'm not gay? I made out with Konan, surely that's enough!"

"Lucky bastard," Hidan muttered, "Do you know how fucking long it has been since I had some female companionship?"

"About ten minutes from the way you and that red-haired bitch have been carrying on," countered Deidara.

Hidan swelled with somewhat less-than-righteous fury. "Shut your face, you fag!" Hidan shouted poetically.

(A/N just so you know, they're just talking about making out and stuff, not _that.)_ "Whatever," said the pyrotechnician, rolling over to turn his back on the swearing immortal.

When everyone had calmed down for about one blissful half-hour there was silence, until…

"Hey, Senpai?" Tobi chirped from the bunk below the blonde.

"What?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Not anymore."

"I just had a thought."

"You? You had a thought? Amazing."

"If no one else is tired I had a look in that parlour that the shifting guy talked about."

"And?"

"Well, I saw a shelf full of movies and a TV."

"I hope you're not suggesting a movie marathon."

"Yep!" Tobi finished happily.

"Did I hear something about a movie marathon?" Hidan piped up, propping himself against the headboard of his bunk.

"No, no you didn't hear anything at all," Deidara grumbled. It was almost worth a try.

"Yeah, I thought we could watch something," Tobi provided, foiling Deidara's plans.

"I'm up for it. Hey, fish boy," Hidan kicked Kisame in the face.

"Ow! What is it?" the blue Akatsuki member asked.

"We're having a movie marathon, you in?"

Kisame sighed. "Apparently if I want to get any sleep tonight it'll have to be on the couch. Fine, I'll join you guys."

"Great! Let's go! I think I saw something with a black cover and bloody letters on it," Tobi said happily, springing out of bed.

"To the parlour then!" Hidan led them.

Rolling out of bed, Deidara didn't even bother putting his Akatsuki cloak on, instead opting for his regular fishnet lined T-shirt. Honestly, some of these guys could be total idiots sometimes.

Upon entering the parlour the group of four was treated to a view of a brightly lit room complete with a pool table dominating the left hemisphere and a couch in front of a wide-screen television on the other.

Hidan plopped himself comfourtably down on the couch, propping his feet up on the bamboo coffee table. "Ok, Tobi, what's the movie?" he asked eagerly.

"Well, there's this movie called Bogeyman here, how about that?" replied the masked man, holding up a DVD depicting some kind of monster emerging from underneath a bed.

"Bring it on!" said Hidan, pumping his fist in the air.

At that moment a small figure dressed in black entered the room; it was one of Host's helpers.

"Excuse me?" he said timidly, "I thought I heard noises."

"Damn right you did," replied Hidan, "Say, where's the kitchen?"

"Um, I can lead you to it if you'd like."

"Yeah, you do that."

Hidan departed the room with the smaller man in tow.

"Hey, don't you guys start the movie without me, I'm going to get something to eat and check to see if anyone else wants to join us."

Deidara decided to pass the time playing pool. He walked over to the table and grabbed a cue. He started to hit the small white ball around the table, practicing working the angles. After about ten minutes the door opened to admit three other members: Itachi, Sasori, and Zetsu.

"Hidan wouldn't leave us alone," explained Zetsu's white half.

"**The idiot wouldn't shut up,**" continued his black half.

"We decided to see what all the fuss was about," finished Itachi solemnly.

"Come on in, we're just waiting for Hidan to get back," Tobi invited them.

Sasori and Zetsu positioned themselves on the couch and amused themselves by watching the little icon on the television screen bounce around off of its parameters. Itachi on the other hand joined Deidara in a miniature billiards game.

After another five minutes the door opened once again to admit a smaller figure than the rest.

"Did I miss something?" came a familiar voice.

"Konan!" everyone said simultaneously, feverishly searching for something to cover themselves up with (you'll remember that they're all in sleeping gear of some sort, nothing as modest as the akatsuki cloak). Konan herself was in sweatpants and a T-shirt.

"What's wrong with you guys?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at the panicking males.

"Uh… nothing," said Deidara, halfway through fighting with Kisame for a pillowcase.

"I see…" she said, still observing their antics.

"Hey! You faggots want some popcorn?" Hidan burst into the room loaded with popcorn and drinks, and then he spotted Konan.

"Whoa! Konan! Homina homina! That Pein sure is one lucky son of a bitch! Are you wearing a bra?"

Practically everyone in the room face-palmed. Trust Hidan to say the most inappropriate things to the only female member in akatsuki, and coincidentally the second in command.

At that moment Hidan (most likely due to his sleep deprived and thus addled brain) seized Konan in a tight hug.

"Hidan! What are you doing?" she gasped through the immortal's tight embrace.

"She really isn't wearing a bra!" he announced, astonished.

The woman in question drew back her fist and slammed Hidan square on the nose, producing a satisfying sound of splintering cartilage. As he clutched at his ruined nose, Konan doubled the blow with a kick into his manhood.

"FUCK!!" screamed the immortal, eyes streaming and clenched in pain, "Ooh, that was good!"

Konan walked gracefully over to the sofa and took a seat at the far end.

Deidara sat down on Konan's right. "How did you find out that something was up?"

"I heard Hidan screaming in the halls. Is he drunk again?"

"Amazingly no, that's just Hidan when he hasn't gotten enough sleep."

The movie began (as all horror movies seem to) with a good grisly murder. This seemed to pretty much sum up the entire plot of the movie, and it was just one murder after another. Hidan loved it, Tobi hid behind the couch, Itachi was bored, and Konan just didn't care.

At long last the movie ended in that inconclusive cliffhanger way that horror movies do.

"Wow…" breathed Tobi, "That was amazing."

"Who's up for another one?" Hidan asked, springing over to the video rack and shuffling through the titles.

After a general vote (namely Hidan telling everyone that it was too late to go to bed anyway and if they didn't like it they could (…) with a (…) up the (…) on fire) another DVD was slotted into the machine.

"So what's the name of this one?" asked Sasori, trying to act as though it didn't matter whichever way it went.

"I dunno, Dead Silence or something. It had some kind of puppet on the front though, so you should like it, redhead," Hidan commented, eyes fixed on the screen.

And so it dragged on, hour after hour, movie after movie. Finally, after two Saw movies Deidara decided that it was time to try and get some sleep. "Well, I'm going to bed, hm, you guys do whatever you want."

"Will do, blondie," Hidan replied without looking up.

"Don't call me that, grey-head," muttered Deidara, putting his hand on the doorknob.

"What'd you say?"

"What?" the pyrotechnician turned around, putting on his best innocent look, "I didn't say anything."

With that he left the room.

At long last he reached the quarters that he shared with his four fellow Akatsuki members.

_Maybe I shouldn't have watched that last movie, _the blonde thought with a slight shiver, _That one was pretty screwed up._

Vaulting himself up onto the top bunk he slid under the covers and put his head on the pillow. Closing his eyes he immediately opened them again. _What was that? _He thought, ears pricking at every sound, _Honestly, what am I so scared of?_

Deidara closed his eyes again, this time managing to keep them closed. After about ten minutes he drifted off to sleep.

He didn't stay asleep long; nightmares woke him up. Nightmares of saw blades, and dark rooms, creatures that pulled out your tongue as you slept and then held you down while you bled to death.

He was drenched in a cold sweat as he sat bolt upright in bed, breathing hard and thanking his lucky stars that it was only a dream.

There was a creak at the door.

_It's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's… _he told himself over and over. Honestly, it was probably just Tobi coming in to go to bed or something. Surely.

A dark shape moved through the shadows, leaving the door open behind it.

"Deidara? Are you awake?"

"Konan?"

"Yeah."

He involuntarily let out a small sigh of relief. "What are you doing here, hm?"

"Um…" she paused, "I was having trouble sleeping."

"Wow, I wonder why," Deidara said sarcastically.

She chuckled. "Yeah, so um…"

"You wanted to talk?"

"No, I mean yes, well, sort of."

"You're acting strange. Ha, you know, if I didn't know better I'd say that Pein's angel was frightened."

Konan scowled. "Just leave it, ok?"

Walking towards the bed she vaulted up onto the top bunk and crawled overtop of the artist.

"What the… Konan, what are you doing?!" he exclaimed, startled.

"Getting in, what does it look like? Move over."

"Why?" he asked, exasperated.

"Look, we're supposed to be pretending to be in a relationship, ok? This is probably the best way to spread it around. You know Hidan, he'll tell everybody."

"Wouldn't making out be the best way to spread it around?"

Konan shuddered. "Do you have any idea how creepy it is to make out with three pairs of lips and only one guy?"

Deidara nodded. "Point taken, but you can't deny you enjoyed it at the time," he said slyly.

"Grow up, Deidara," with that Konan turned away from him.

"Then at least admit one thing," Deidara was unwilling to let the conversation end without some kind of victory on his part.

"What?" The origami artist yawned.

"You came in here because those screwed up movies were bothering you, hm."

Konan squirmed. "Maybe partly."

"Hehe, well then, goodnight, Konan."

"Goodnight, Deidara."

* * *

"Thanks, Hinata, I'm feeling a lot better. Do you think that there's anything you can do for this leg though?" Naruto still sat at the top of the two hundred foot column, having gratefully submitted to Hinata's healing efforts.

The girl in question shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I'm no good at large fractures like this, I'm afraid you'll have to wait until you can see Sakura."

"Ok, I'm sorry Hinata, you've done a great job," the fox boy beamed.

Hinata blushed at the compliment.

_It's nice just sitting here and talking, _thought Naruto, _Still, I guess I've got to bring it up sooner or later._

"Hey, Hinata?"

"Y-yes Naruto?"

"I've got to talk to you about something."

Hinata's breath caught in her throat. What could he want to talk to her about?

"It's… well…" Naruto looked away, uncomfourtable, "You know Host?"

Hinata's heart sank. He just wanted to discuss Host. Oh well, she should be happy that she had the chance to talk with him at all after so many weeks of not speaking.

"W-what about him?"

"He… he helped me realize some things."

"Like w-what?" Hinata's hopes were peaked again, but she quickly tried to smother them all to no avail.

"Well, Hinata," Naruto's breathing came quicker. Why was he so nervous? Hinata was his friend. He was never this nervous with Sai, or Kiba, or even Gaara (and not to be nervous around Gaara is quite an achievement).

"The thing is… he helped me realize how important you are to me."

Hinata gasped slightly. Could Naruto really be saying this?

"And I wanted to know if you really meant what you said that time when I was fighting Pein."

Hinata did not like the way the conversation had turned around and settled on her. She wanted to weep, and embrace him, and say of course she had meant every word of it, but she couldn't. She couldn't find the words. She couldn't find any energy in her limbs to move. It was a miracle that she was even still conscious.

"I… I…" was all that came out.

Then, with a final burst of courage:

"Of course I meant it, I meant all of it, and I still do!"

There was such calm up on top of that column. Not even the click of the cicadas or chirp of the grasshoppers got this far up. The only sound was of the wind blowing past.

"Why?" Naruto asked simply.

Now, Hinata had expected many reactions on those times when she had desperately tried to express her feelings. Amongst them had been happiness, confusion, anger, even sadness, but just plain not understanding had not been one of them.

"I…" She didn't know what to say. Why did she love him? Because he was brave? No. Because he inspired her? No. Why then?

"I don't know," she admitted tearfully.

_Don't cry, _she thought sternly, _Not now, not here._

Her efforts meant nothing though, as the tears came quickly and smoothly. She curled up her knees to her chest and wept silently. This was not how she had imagined her confession to Naruto. She'd thought she'd done it that day when Pein attacked, she'd thought that it had all been over, but she was wrong. It only just began that moment. Oh how very much that was only just the beginning.

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around her. Opening her eyes she was astonished to find Naruto hugging her uncertainly.

"Sorry," he said, "It's just I've seen people do it when other people were upset. So, you know, I thought it might help."

"Thank you…" she murmured.

They sat like that for a while, just Naruto holding Hinata in his arms while she bled out emotions that she didn't understand.

_This is really comfourtable, _Naruto thought, _I've never held a girl before. Actually I've never held anyone before. Well, I suppose there's a first time for everything._

That thought brought to mind another idea that had been gnawing at his consciousness ever since he turned seventeen.

_No, now isn't the time, _he thought, _but she says that she loves me. I don't know, I've heard that this is a good way to find out if you love someone back._

Gently Naruto lifted Hinata's head by the chin and brushed away her tears.

_She looks so beautiful, _he thought.

"N-Naruto? What are you d-doing?" she asked timidly.

"Just trying something," he replied, heartbeat speeding up.

With a deep breath, the jinchuuriki slowly inclined his head and brushed Hinata's lips with his own.

* * *

Shikamaru was hardly what you would call a happy camper. For some sick reason (probably just for his own enjoyment), Host had decided to put him in the same room with not one, but both of Temari's over-protective brothers. Sai wasn't being much help either; all he was doing was taking notes on how siblings looked out for one another.

"Ow!" The lazy genius yelled, "Will you guys stop that?!"

"Not until you swear upon your parents' graves that you will never ever make our sister unhappy in this life or the next!" Kankurou shouted in his face, spraying him with flecks of spit.

"My parents are still alive, you moron!" He shouted back, trying to wipe the spit off of his face. It was a little difficult, seeing as his hands were bound in cuffs of sand.

"Then if you hurt our sister in any way I'll see to it that that particular fact is dealt with," said Gaara icily, tightening the grip of the sand on Shikamaru's wrist's.

"And as an added bonus, for every minute you don't swear not to hurt Temari, I cut off one of your fingers," Kankurou grinned blood thirstily, brandishing a kunai.

"Ok, ok! I swear upon every star in the heavens and every cloud in the sky that I will never ever hurt your sister Temari of the sand, now are you satisfied?!"

Kankurou actually looked put out. "Let's cut his fingers off anyway," he suggested.

"He's agreed to the terms, Kankurou, we might as well just release him," Gaara sighed, dissolving the sand that bound the Nara's arms to the wall.

"So, let me get this straight," Sai clarified, "If lazy boy here had not agreed to never in any way harm your sister you would have first cut off his fingers and then you, Lord Kazekage, would have killed his parents?"

"Correct," replied Kankurou.

"So, what would you have done when you ran out of fingers to cut off?"

Kankurou smirked. "We would have started cutting off otherthings."

Sai hissed in sympathy. "Ouch," he said before returning to his note taking.

"Hold on, did you just call me lazy boy?" asked Shikamaru, pausing in his efforts to restore circulation to his wrists.

"Oh, um, sorry, was that a bad nickname?" Sai inquired innocently.

"Yeah, you keep working on those."

A/N

Ok, special thanks to nekko chan 121 and also to JakeNova of Deviantart for inspiring me on this chapter :D

Nekko chan 121 actually had the whole Deidara Konan horror movie idea, so all credit for that goes to her, and make sure you guys check out her stuff.

So, that's it for another chapter, my dears, I am also currently accepting suggestions for dares or truths if you have any ideas, so make sure to click that big REVIEW button at the bottom and leave me a note :3

One more thing, this is in fact Pein + Konan so just to reassure you guys. I'll explain why Deidara is doing this in a little while.


	9. Paradox

A/N

Hey guys, what's up? So here is chapter 9 (whew, almost to chapter ten!) and I just want to thank all of you for your support and loyalty :)

Special thanks goes to:

AnimeAuthorForevr: Lol, thanks for the advice. Also, I'm afraid that I don't do yaoi, so no guyxkakashi stuff, my dear.

Jedininjagirl: Haha! Thank you very much! I'm so glad that you like it!

Hitokiri Shinzui: Thanks! I took quite a bit of inspiration for that from a different fic though, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Ichiro Kuragari: Yes, yes, Ichiro my friend, Kiba will be with someone. Just not someone you know ;) Also I figured that Naruto would still have his natural simplicity of mind but blended with the maturity that he has gained in the latest chapters of the manga, so that's why he may seem OOC.

Sweetclementines: Hehe, leave more comments like that and I will!

And also to Ms. Life for complimenting my other story "Thank you for Beating me Up" so highly!

Anyhow, when we left off Shikamaru was pretty much getting owned by Gaara and Kankurou. Oh, and did I mention that Naruto kissed Hinata? :D

"HOLY HELL!"

The shout woke two sleeping forms, only distinguishable between one another due to the one's blonde hair and conspicuously flat chest. The one with the blue hair awoke.

"What the…" she muttered blearily. Looking up she beheld a certain grey-haired and wide-eyed individual pointing an accusatory finger at her and the one she currently lay beside.

"D-Deidara?" he stammered, "You got lucky… with _Konan?_"

The blonde one of the pair also looked up groggily.

"What… wait, what?" he murmured simply, "What are you talking about?"

"I mean, I've heard of horror flicks turning people on, but seriously! This is just… whoa! I mean, she's Konan!" The immortal spluttered, never moving the damning finger from its spot.

"Oh, right!" the events of the past night came back to Deidara gradually, "Well, not exactly got lucky, just slept with. No, not like that," he added, seeing the shocked look on Hidan's face.

"How?" came the incredulous reply.

"Well, she got scared by the movies so…" his words were interrupted by Konan kicking him in the leg underneath the sheets, "Ow! I mean, she couldn't sleep, so she crawled in here." Deidara smirked evilly. "Apparently she feels more comfourtable when I'm around."

"Don't overdo it, lover-boy," Konan muttered in his ear, before turning over and trying to fall asleep again.

"Senpai, what's Hidan so upset about?" Tobi asked innocently.

"He's just jealous, Tobi, pay no attention."

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Host scampered through the scrub like a rat, leaping over the crumbling marble that littered the ground like the bones of some ancient ogre. He had zeroed in on Kiba's mind for that particular excursion, and the filthy black claws that the Inuzuka's mind had garnished his fingers with made the likeness to a rodent even more striking.

"Not yet, not yet, it's not time yet," he muttered the words like a mantra, "Uzumaki, what are you doing?"

As he scurried through the bushes and scrappy trees, he detected a mind ahead. Releasing his hold on Kiba's mind he felt his fingers mold themselves back into the indistinct and spindly digits that were his norm. Probing the new consciousness, he found it to be that of Ino Yamanaka.

_Better deal with her quick, _he thought feverishly, _I don't have much time! It's not ready yet._

He engulfed her mind in his own, taking on the dark Latin features that she was so partial to.

Strolling casually over to her he said: "Evening, Ino."

She started, looking up. "Oh, hi, Host. Is it evening?"

He shrugged casually. "It doesn't really matter much here. The moon is the only sentinel over time in this place." _Why is it that females go all gooey over the kind of talk that doesn't make any sense?_

"I suppose. Still, it's a bit strange not having time here."

"I can imagine," he sat down beside her a little uncomfourtably close, "Still, when there is no time, that means there is an abundance of it."

"What do you mean?"

He draped his arm around her shoulders, "I mean that in this world, anything can happen." He removed his mask, shaking out the dark curls on his head.

Ino was shocked at his appearance. _He's actually… kind of cute,_ she thought in spite of herself.

"I have to go," she said somewhat curtly. He may have been cute but he was still a jerk.

"Suit yourself," Host said in an oily voice, "But if you ever need… a friend, I'm right here."

"Right, I'll remember that," Ino turned and flounced away.

Host sighed in relief. Whew, that hadn't been too hard. Still, it was difficult to seem obliviously repulsive when you knew exactly what the one you were flirting with was attracted to.

Shedding his former appearance he continued to scurry through the underbrush. Left, right, up, and down, leaping over obstacles with the agility of long practice. After what seemed like an eternity he found the base of the edifice he searched for.

_Now, Uzumaki, to deal with you, _thought the specter as he began to scale the pillar at a frustratingly slow rate.

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Naruto gently brushed Hinata's lips with his own.

"N-Naruto?" Hinata whispered, frightened and exhilarated at this most recent development.

The boy himself could barely speak. _Did that just really happen? _He thought, bewildered. There was a scratching sound on the pillar below them but neither cared.

_Stop! This is wrong! _Came the small, annoying voice in his head, _This could turn out very badly!_

_Shut up, _he told the voice. Right now he just didn't give a shit what the voice wanted to say.

He caressed Hinata's cheek with his hand, unable to tear his eyes away from her. Again he bent down and put his lips to hers, but this time more confidently, experimenting with the new phenomenon.

_This is really happening! _Hinata thought, excited and terrified, _N-Naruto is… kissing me!_

Timidly, unsurely, she raised her small hands and gently grasped Naruto's shoulders. She felt him smile as he pulled her slightly closer.

The scratching noise was getting louder, but neither of them could hear it. They were completely oblivious to everything except each other. The burning fire spreading from where their lips connected, the powerful sensation of each place their bodies touched. It was a dream state.

"No!" came a shriek, not far away. The pitch awakened the individuals from their mutual reverie. The broke apart reluctantly, searching for the cause of the noise.

They didn't have very far to look; it was only a four-foot square column. There were two indistinctly shaped hands grasping the edge of the dais for dear life. An ever-changing head rose up behind them. Throughout every shift the expression once again stayed the same, that of shock and dismay.

The two previously engaged individuals wore similar expressions of shock, although Naruto's was tinged with anger.

Whoops thought Host, Uzumaki's going cross-eyed. Better pick a form.

The shifter cast around desperately for a mind to zero in on. When his eyes alighted upon Hinata he took the form without thinking.

Instantly he shrunk to just under six feet, his eyes took a dull gray colour, his hair turned white and spiky, and his skin became waxy and gaunt.

_Hinata didn't want to see anything, _he thought to himself, _My form is completely neutral. This should actually be best for explanations._

"What do you want?" Naruto almost shouted at the now completely normal humanoid in front of him.

"You can't do this," the said humanoid responded, "You don't understand, Naruto, this is bad."

"Are you insane?" Naruto laughed mirthlessly, "How could this be bad?"

Host slapped his palms down on the column's head. The three instantly materialized on the ground.

"Phew, sorry, I don't like heights very much," Host apologized, "But that's not the point, the point is that this is neither the time nor place for… well, you previous activity."

Naruto let go of Hinata and stood up, anger and frustration bubbling in his chest. "What is wrong with you?" he shouted, "What do you mean this isn't the time or place?"

"I'm sorry." Host said before clapping his hands together.

Reality distorted, rippling from the point where Host's hands connected. Gradually, reluctantly, space was twisted and was absorbed at the point of contact. It was like the skin on a can of paint being stirred back into the liquid. Colours faded, became fuzzy, and finally dissolved. Senses were filled to bursting with smells, scenes, possibilities of existence. Anyone who was dumb enough to watch it all either blacked out or threw up where they stood.

_I'm sorry, everyone, _the master behind this macabre happening thought, _If there was any other way…_

Everything was pulled into Host's oblivion. Dirt, plants, animals, architecture, even humans were sucked into the expanding concentration of possibility between Host's hands. Eventually even Host allowed himself to be sucked in. Before he was completely absorbed however, one last thought entered his mind.

I wonder if any of us will survive this?

A/N

And that's the end of the chapter! Quite a cliffhanger eh?

…

No, seriously! That's the end! I asked my mum whether or not I should do this, and she said go for it, so yeah. Anyway, sorry for the short chapter, but I wasn't really sure how I was going to do this. Also I just wanted to get a chapter off.

OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*

Shino walked into Ichiraku ramen one night despondently. It was rare that he would show up at Naruto's regular haunt, but tonight he was feeling down. The novelty of this occasion was noticed by Teuchi, the ramen chef, and was noted vocally.

"Shino, we don't see you here often. What's the occasion?"

The Aburame prodigy merely grunted by way of a reply. Teuchi was taken aback. "What's got you so down?" he asked.

"Kiba and I got in a fight, and he said that he wouldn't talk to me for a month," Shino explained unhappily.

Teuchi was aware that Shino didn't have many friends, and for his best friend to do something like this must be a real blow.

"Gee, I'm really sorry, Shino. Here, the ramen's on the house tonight."

"Thank you," Shino mumbled, "I appreciate your generosity, but I don't think you quite understand."

"Hm? What do you mean?" The noodle chef asked, confused.

"The month ends today," Shino sniffed, putting his face in his hands.

Ahaha! Ohoho, oho, aha, oh ouch! Anyway, no offense to any Kiba fans out there, he's pretty awesome, I just think that Shino might react this way. Hehe, who knows?

Anyway, see you guys all later, please leave reviews my darlings!


	10. Where are we, anyway?

A/N

Chapter ten, and all shall be revealed! Everything, the whole enchilada, only the truth, my dears! So, sit back, relax, grab a coke (and maybe some instant ramen), and read on my darlings!

(Shout outs will be at the end of this chapter)

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It is not every day that one beholds a bony hand burned ruddy from the sun and with filthy black nails full two inches long shoot up from under the ground. Interestingly enough, today was one of the days when the norm according to the natural flow of events was disrupted, and things such as the afore-mentioned affair with the hand occur.

The hand, coincidentally, was attached to a rather dirty wrist, which was in turn connected to a bony arm, which finally led to a sunburned body, which crawled its way out of the toughly packed dirt.

Said sunburned body, under further inspection, turned out to be a grime-encrusted Host. The now black haired cat-toothed figure tried to sigh, but inhaled large quantities of dirt from underneath his aquiline nose, thus leaving him doubled over and hacking.

"B-bugger it!" he managed to splutter through the sand in his lungs. Once his coughing fit had subsided, he took in the surroundings. He was not in the coliseum anymore, but instead in a stone arena, garnished with barbaric wood and bone decorations. There was a humongous mud and leather roof three hundred feet into the air that stretched for one thousand feet in every direction. The arena was circular, with large, crudely fashioned stone bleachers descending from near the roof all around until they were only ten feet above the scorched soil of the arena's floor. The worn granite of the banks of seating was split four times by yawning openings guarded by wooden portcullises. The bark of the wood was stripped in some places, and looked as though predatorial teeth and claws had been slashing at it for millennia. Great banners of tattered cloth bearing bizarre emblems stood like weary sentries over each gate, and numerous braziers provided the dim, red glow that served as lighting for this terrible destination.

_Well, it's a bit like my coliseum,_ Host mused, not exactly content with the way his dream-state cerebral slap-dash surrounding change had worked out, _At least the computers, stage, microphones, and chairs are all still here._

Sure enough, in the middle of the scorched and crackling dirt of the new venue rested the familiar circle of bamboo chairs, the bank of antiquated computers, the ancient intercom system, and the raised platform that served as a stage.

Host sighed in relief. Well, at least he had managed to save those vital elements.

"Hey, it's Host! He's alive!" the voice came from a distant stone bleacher, "We thought you were dead!"

_No need to sound so disappointed,_ Host thought before turning to behold the owner of the voice that had previously hailed him.

"Kiba! Shino!" Host exclaimed as the two shinobi hurried towards him, "Where is everyone else?"

Kiba shrugged. "Dunno, we were hoping you could tell us."

"More importantly, what happened just now?" Shino asked quietly.

Host tried to run a hand through his hair, but the black claws on his fingertips lacerated his scalp. To his credit, however, he managed to avoid screaming in pain.

"I had to use a complete thought process revamp," he explained through gritted teeth, "There was something… less than satisfactory happening, so I was forced to use this, um, technique thingy." Host finished poetically.

"Right, that's great, but what happened in terms that are easier to understand?" Kiba asked, unimpressed by Host's less than complete explanation.

"Ok, look, you know how sometimes the tiniest thing can just send your mind reeling?" Host began, waving his hands for emphasis, "Well that's what I did, except I just controlled the plummet… more or less. I created a complete disturbance in the smooth flow of how everything was working, basically disproving the principle that the thoughts that created the coliseum worked on. When I did that, I just waited for the thoughts to change themselves. Still, there was a slight chance that the thought chain would have just given up and we all would have ceased to exist."

"Exactly how slight a chance?" asked Shino coldly.

"Well, about an 83 percent chance, but I had control over what would happen," Host hastened to reassure the two shinobi in front of him, "That is to say, I sort of had control."

"Don't ever do that again, okay?" Kiba's words weren't a question so much as an order.

"Okay," replied Host timidly.

"I have a few more questions," Shino put in before the conversation died completely, "What was the principle that the thoughts worked on, how did you disprove it, and what was the 'less than satisfactory' occurrence? Also, why are you bleeding? I was under the impression that only intentions could do you any harm."

"Look, do you really need to know?" the man whined.

Shino's only response was silence.

"Okay, okay, fine. I'm bleeding because self-inflicted injuries are the only thing other than intent that can hurt me. The principle that the thoughts of the coliseum worked on was simple: existence. The coliseum took it for granted that we all existed, and so all it had to do was build up from there into the complex structure that you all beheld. The less than satisfactory occurrence I'm not going to tell you, nor why it merited such drastic measures." Host finished with a great intake of breath.

"So how exactly did you disprove this principle?" The Aburame asked.

"Simple," came the reply, "I just made myself believe that we didn't exist."

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"Sai!"

The shout roused a certain sallow-skinned shinobi from the sweetly innocent realms of unconsciousness. Blearily opening his eyes he was obliged to close them immediately due to the generous amounts of dust that cascaded into his eyes.

"Ino?" he said. It was more of a question than a confirmation. Blinking the tears away from his blocked up eyes he attempted to raise an arm to wipe the grime from his face. Interestingly, his arm stoically protested against the command of movement. He was certain that the message went from his brain to his arm, but somehow it had gotten lost along the way. It was rather like a disgruntled employee flat-out refusing to carry out some menial task ordered to him by his boss. The shinobi tried again, still to no avail.

"Sai, are you hurt?" Ino rushed up, kneeling in the dust next to him. When the filth was mostly washed away from his corneas, Sai looked up into Ino's concerned cerulean eyes. There was a cut above her left eyebrow, which bled steadily, causing her to blink regularly so as to avoid being blinded by blood. She was covered in cuts and bruises, and her hair was tousled and had come loose from its regular ponytail.

"Are you alright?" Sai asked her automatically. Rule number one in a crisis situation, always ask your friend how they are. Even if it's obvious, it's still polite to ask them, thus provoking them to talk about it and relieving tension built up by the afore mentioned crisis. Sai was proud of himself for remembering this vital detail on such short notice.

"That's just what I asked you!" she riposted.

Sai's pride crumbled like brittle clay. Bugger, now he had screwed up on the first rule of talking to the opposite gender: always listen to what they say.

"I'm fine, sorry, I didn't hear you. At least, I think I'm fine, I'm not really sure," he stumbled over his own words.

"Yeah, you don't look too great," she informed him analytically, "You're sweating like crazy, and your skin has gone all grey. Here, let's dig you out of all this stuff first." She set to work moving the splintered wood and ground up stone that pinned him to the ground.

Odd, he hadn't realized that he was buried underneath anything. In fact, he hadn't felt a thing since he woke up.

"Dang!" Ino hissed in sympathy as she overturned a rock, "This isn't good."

Sai looked down at himself and beheld the cause of the loss of feeling in his arm. There was a stake of wood implanted in his right shoulder, almost pinning it to the ground. The bone had obviously been splintered, and shards of it poked up through the skin, forming small, bloody lumps underneath his shirt. He had gone into medical shock before he had even woken up, causing numbness throughout the injured area. It wouldn't last long though, soon he would start shaking, his body would go cold, he would be gripped by nausea, and the pain would set in. That diabolical, mind freezing, blood searing pain that spoke of injury beyond comprehension.

"Try not to move around, Sai, this will only take a second," Ino didn't have the look of someone who was just about to do something that would 'only take a second'.

"This is going to hurt, isn't it?" Sai stated more than asked.

"Like hell," came the reply.

Sharply turning him up on his left side Ino quickly surveyed the damage. Grabbing a heavy piece of rock from the pile she had just created she brought it down hard on the end of the stake impaling Sai's shoulder. Blood sprayed from the exit wound as the wooden shard made its way out of the root member's arm. Reaching quickly she snatched its end and wrenched it the rest of the way out, splattering scarlet blood all over the ground and her hands.

She quickly gathered the green glow around her slender fingers, laying them gently on the gaping hole in the youth's shoulder. The ragged edges of muscle smoothed and joined, bone knitted together like frost on a window. Ino began to feel nauseous, barely keeping herself from throwing up at the sight of the lacerated injury and steady blossom of blood from underneath the skin. At long last the epidermis closed smoothly, and the telltale thump of the shoulder re-aligning itself within the socket told the medical ninja that her work was done. Falling back, exhausted, she lay on her back taking deep breaths of air.

There came a groan from her patient. He had not made a sound throughout the entire procedure until now.

"Sai," she panted, not having enough strength to get up, "Are you alright?"

"Ergh," he replied.

Barely mustering enough strength to crawl over to his prone form, Ino sat by his head. "Where does it hurt?" she asked, panting from the exertion of remaining upright.

Using his left arm, Sai gestured to his mouth. Upon his opening it Ino was shocked to discover blood oozing from his gums. In an effort not to scream, Sai had clenched his jaw so hard he had broken his own teeth.

With a rattling sigh, Ino raised her hands shakily, scraping the bottom of her chakra reserves for the last dregs. Slowly, steadily, Sai's teeth began to mend, popping like corn over a fire. The blood seeped back into the vessels, and the shards of enamel reassembled themselves like a 3d jigsaw. When the last tooth was in place, Ino could barely breathe such was her fatigue. With a small gasp she fell over in a dead faint.

When the last twinge of pain told Sai that his dental gear was whole once more, he open his eyes from the tight clench they had been held in for the last fifteen minutes. Globes of light exploded in front of his vision, temporarily blinding him. When his vision cleared, he sat up and exercised his right arm. The appendage was a bit stiff, but otherwise as good as new. Rolling the shoulder and flexing the bicep, he gradually worked the kinks out of his healed joints. He then rotated his jaw and pinched each tooth in turn, checking to see that they were all in order. When he was satisfied that he was in perfectly stable conditions of health (apart from being caked in congealing blood), he looked around to see where his savior was. He did not have to search long, as (to his great surprise) she was lying right beside him, unconscious.

"Ino?" he asked uncertainly.

When there was no reply he sighed and stood up. Sliding one arm under the small of her back and the other through the crook of her knees he picked her up bridal style.

_She's so light, _he thought, _she really should eat more._

For the first time since his awakening, Sai examined the surroundings. They were in a cave, or tunnel of some sort. It was roughly hewn out of sandstone and supported by wooden beams. There was dim torchlight that provided just enough light to be creepy but not enough to actually see well by. He looked from one end of the seeming tunnel to the other. One way led off into crushing black darkness, and the other way was blocked by a heap of rocks.

Sai adjusted his hold on Ino so that she lay against his shoulder. Using his free hand he reached up to loosen his knife in its sheath. Once that was done he reassumed his previous method of carrying the unconscious girl.

"No choice, I suppose," he muttered, starting off down the dark corridor.

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"Hey, wake up idiot," a voice commanded.

Deidara opened his eyes to be presented with a view of Konan leaning over his prone form.

"What the… what happened?" the pyrotechnician murmured, putting a hand to his throbbing head.

"Don't move, you'll only make it worse," Konan admonished.

"What's wrong with him?" came a new voice, "He looks fine to me."

"Not everyone can withstand injuries as well as you can, Hidan, okay?" Konan snapped towards the source of the voice.

The immortal swelled like a pigeon. "Yeah? Oh, oh yeah?" It was clear that he was having some difficulty in composing a witty retort, "Well, fuck you!"

"Clever," Konan muttered sarcastically, "Anyway, Deidara, we also had that headache you're feeling right now. Just don't move around and it'll subside soon enough. I know it hurts right now, but just bear with me."

"Right, thanks," Deidara replied, leaning his back up against the mud-wattle wall.

Once the worst of his headache (and Hidan's cussing fit) had subsided, Deidara looked around.

"Where are we?" he asked, bewildered.

"I don't know," the young woman admitted, "I had a look around though and it looks like some kind of arena. You know, like the ones that they have in all the hidden villages to test Chuunin?"

"Why are we in an arena? I thought that we were in a bunch of ruins."

"So did I. I don't know what happened."

Deidara tried to stand up but pain exploded through his skull, buckling his knees and forcing him to the ground again. Konan caught him just as he fell. "Be careful, you'll hurt yourself," she chided.

He would have laughed if it hadn't caused him searing agony to do so. "You say that as if I'm not already hurt."

"Oh shut up," she said not unkindly.

"Hey, I hate to butt in on your mushy little chat, but should we find the others perhaps?" Hidan snapped.

The pair of artists looked at one another, then to Hidan, then back to each other.

"Should we tell him?" Deidara asked wearily.

"We may as well."

"Okay grey-head, don't spread this around," Deidara warned the immortal.

"I wouldn't dream of it, but what am I not supposed to spread around?"

"Konan and I aren't actually… together."

"… Seriously?"

"Seriously," Konan continued, "It was my idea. I asked Deidara if he would pretend to be with me so as to show Pein that I can take care of myself, and that I don't need his protection." _And to make him jealous, _she thought afterward. Still, no need to tell that to Hidan.

The immortal in question grinned.

"Hey blondie,"

"I don't answer to that name."

"Once leader finds out about this, you are so screwed."

"I know."

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"Uzumaki! Hyuuga! Where are you?" called Host through cupped hands.

He, Shino, Kiba, and Akamaru were all walking down a dark and crumbling sandstone corridor. Kiba held a torch in his left hand, trying not to burn his face with it, while his right hand was cupped on one side of his mouth.

"Hinata! Naruto! Where are you guys?" he called.

"The last time I saw them they were together, and they were together when I initiated the time-space manipulation thought process," Host said worriedly.

"When you initiated the what?" Kiba asked, having little patience for all this clever talk.

"I said when I initiated the time-space manipulation thought pro…"

"I heard what you said, but what do you mean?"

Host looked slightly put out at being interrupted. "I mean that they were together when I stopped believing we existed. Well, actually, when I stopped believing our surroundings existed, then started to believe that we were somewhere else," he explained patiently.

"That sounds a lot simpler than you made it out to be at the outset," Kiba deadpanned.

"Well, actually there were any number of things that could have gone wrong. For example, I basically created a whole new environment, while at the same time trying to tell myself that the current one didn't exist. What I had to be careful of was that I didn't leave out any important details. Do you know how long I spent making that original coliseum? I had been planning that place ever since I was a cosmic blip! I had to think up this place on the spot. If I _had _left out any important details, then there would have been holes of nothingness scattered around the place, and if someone had come into contact with one of those holes they would have gone mad. The mind doesn't understand nothingness, and it doesn't understand fuzzy patches in reality, so if I had done something like that then all of your guys' sanity would be at stake. Furthermore," Host inhaled deeply before continuing, "I ended up three feet underground because I hadn't imagined our positions relative to the space thoroughly enough. If your cerebral ideal for me hadn't included claws and very durable lungs then I probably would have been a goner! Any one of you could have ended up inside a wall for all I know, and been crushed to death!"

"So… it really was kinda dangerous?" Kiba asked.

Host fell over.

Picking himself back up, he replied: "Yes Kiba, it was 'kinda dangerous'."

"Would you two please stop bickering and focus on the task at hand? Personally I don't think that we'll ever find Naruto or Hinata by just walking around hoping to get lucky," Shino broke up the tiff before it led to blows.

"You're right, Aburame, we really should call in some extra help," Host agreed, looking around as though a giant map might suddenly appear with a: "Naruto and Hinata are here" sign on it.

"Uh, Host? You do realize that both Shino and I are trackers, right?" Kiba coughed.

"Hm? Oh yes, of course, but I really don't think it'll do much good," replied the metaphysical anomaly.

"Why not?" asked Shino curiously.

"Well, firstly, this entire foundation is built out of a system of sandstone and limestone caves which are filled with water in parts. Just ahead of us, in fact, there is a large subterranean lake, which will block out most smells, so that really puts Kiba at a disadvantage. Secondly, a great number of these tunnels are full of methane gas due to my lack of foresight in the design of this place. Pockets of gas are being released, and thus they are making the lower tunnels completely un-explorable. That would kill your insects, Aburame."

"Hm," Shino mused.

"In short, there is only one thing left to do," Host sighed.

"And what is that?" Kiba asked impatiently.

"I have to summon two people who I doubt will enjoy being told what to do."

Host sat down on the roughly hewn floor, pulling a piece of chalk from his pocket. With the chalk he drew a white circle around himself, putting thirteen jags through it at seemingly random intervals. When he was done that he drew eleven more circles outside of the circle he had already drawn, repeating the previous process on each. He did this to each and every circle in turn, each time increasing the number of circles exponentially, until he had completed the process five times.

Then he closed his eyes and sat cross-legged in the first circle he had drawn.

He furrowed his brow in concentration, making him look like someone who is trying to remember something very important.

"What's he doing?" Kiba whispered to Shino.

Shino would have answered if it were not for the air suddenly seeming to get… tighter, all of a sudden. It was as though the air had become solid, being attracted to Host. Sweat dripped down the strange man's nose, and it was obvious that he was in some considerable discomfourt.

"Kiba," Shino rasped.

"Yeah?"

"Get back."

The two youths and dog did so.

Suddenly the air changed again. This time it tensed up like the abdominal muscles of some colossus, then exploded outward from Host, blowing his hair around in wild directions. Suddenly it all calmed down, and Host slumped over forwards to land on his own forehead.

"What's up with him?" came a new voice.

"Eh? Who are you?" asked Kiba, still somewhat spaced out from what he had just witnessed.

Turning to behold the newcomers, he saw what looked like a human plant, and a girl with spiky red hair.

"I'm Karin," said the girl.

"And we're Zetsu," two voices emanated from the plant.

"Okay, I'm Kiba Inuzuka, and this is Shino Aburame," Kiba introduced himself and his silent friend.

"Do you guys have any idea what's going on?" Karin asked, pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose.

"None," replied Shino.

"What's wrong with him?" asked a voice that sounded like a beehive.

"**He is unconscious," **came another voice, this one sounding like a rumbling volcano.

"Zetsu?" asked Kiba uncomfourtably.

The half black half white being turned to face the one who accosted him.

"Are… are those voices coming from you?" Kiba sounded almost apologetic as he asked the strange question.

"Yes," said the one voice like a beehive.

"… How?"

"**Never mind," **came the volcano voice.

Shino sighed and pushed his glasses further up on his nose. This was hardly an ideal place to be stranded. Host had been leading the way through a labyrinth of tunnels and corridors until they had stopped and Host had cast that spell or whatever it was. And now he was passed out on the floor in the center of one hundred sixty one thousand and fifty one circles.

"Kiba, give me the torch," Shino directed the request towards his friend.

Curiously, Kiba complied, handing over the burning stick of wood and resin. Taking the torch in his hand, Shino held it close to Host's head, allowing the flames to lick the being's scalp. Suddenly he woke up with a start, somehow managing in the process to move his head in such a way that he received the full brunt of a torch in the eye-socket.

"Oow!" He wailed, clutching the damaged flesh, "What is wrong with you?"

"You're awake," Shino stated simply.

"Thanks for telling me!" Host rocked back and forth, still covering his eye.

"What did you just do?" the insect user continued calmly.

"Look, can it wait?" Host whined, "I'm kind of hurt right now! What were you doing with that thing in my face anyway?"

"My intention was to wake you, not hurt you, so therefore I knew that you would not be burnt. You hurt yourself on that torch when you saw fit to stick it in your own eye," Shino's words were calm, but an icy chill pervaded them.

"Fine, fine. Look, I just had to remember these two, okay? I can't change people, but I can change where they are if they're in surroundings that I create. Does that make sense?"

"So basically you just summoned us here?" Karin interjected, "What do you need me for, anyway?"

"Karin, track down Naruto Uzumaki's chakra," Host ordered.

A mischievous smirk spread across Karin's features. "Say please," she taunted.

"PLEASE!" The pained man shouted.

"Very well." Karin put lifted up her hands to make the tora sign, closing her eyes as she did so.

_Everything went black, and then slowly globes of light started to appear. She was floating in the blackness, watching as the lights passed her by. She liked the lights; she had liked them since she was a child. Back then she never knew anybody except for the other laboratory inmates, but at least she had always had the lights. They all felt different in their own way, making sure that she never got bored of them. There were warm lights, cold lights, sweet ones and sour, rough and smooth, solid and squishy; each one was unique._

"Karin, Naruto Uzumaki," a voice broke into her reverie.

_Of course, Naruto Uzumaki, Karin remembered now. She concentrated, remembering one single light. It was warm, smooth, and soft, like a sleeping cat, and full of life and love. Karin had never had that in her own light. Sometimes she saw it, in dreams or when she was alone. It wasn't anything like Uzumaki's. Her own light was cold and brittle, and surrounded by a hard shell encasing a fragile inside. It was like a ball of hope protected by a frozen carapace of jaded cynicism._

_Back to the task at hand, she had to find that one light. Other lights scattered as she began to fly through the darkness, searching for this one precious entity._

_There! She'd found it, just beside another, less confident one. Curiously she examined this newcomer, and was shocked at how unprotected it was. This one was a woman, no doubt about it, but there was something strange about it. It was as though the soft liquid core of this light was spilling out all over the place, but not by accident, no, on _purpose_! Why would any light do something like that? It didn't make sense why anything with any sense of self-preservation would leave itself so open and vulnerable._

_She probed the light further, searching for an answer in vain. Just as she was about to give up hope, a small, rock solid nugget of feeling rose tentatively to the surface._

_Trust, Karin realized. That was how this being managed to stay alive when so unprotected. It trusted everything around it implicitly. However, it was not the blind trust of an infant or simpleton, but the enlightened, hopeful trust of one who has not given up on humanity, despite being mistreated and abused for years on end._

"I've found him," Karin said, withdrawing from her trance-state, "And there's a woman with him."

"Well done, Karin, can you tell where they are?" asked Host, fiddling with a container of some kind of salve.

Nodding quickly, the tracker ninja returned to the black world, focusing in on the two entities and sharpening the image until their surroundings appeared in the darkness as well.

"They're exactly six hundred and twenty three metres southwest by south of us," Karin explained.

"Perfect!" said Host, now dabbing the salve around his ruined eye, "Then by all means let us go forth. Zetsu?"

"Yes?" asked the walking Venus flytrap.

"Could you perhaps do me a favour?"

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"Don't worry Hinata, I mean, we've been through worse than this! Hey, remember that time when we went after the three tails, and you got sealed in that block of crystal? But then you radiated chakra all around your body and shattered the crystal! That was incredible!" Naruto desperately tried to cheer up his female companion. She was obviously frightened and confused. Hey, Naruto was too, but he felt that if he could get her to feel better, then he might feel a little better too.

Still, it didn't help either of their moods that there was absolutely no light, and they had to use Naruto's pocket flashlight to even see anything. By the looks of it they were caught in a tunnel, and blocked on both sides by great piles of rubble that sealed their private sector like a prison.

Naruto looked around once again, wondering how he could possibly get them out of this mess. He had considered using rasengan to blast through some of the rock, but Hinata had timidly pointed out that they had no idea how thick the wall of rock was, and even if it did work there was a good chance that the tunnel would end up collapsing on top of them. Then he had considered using shadow clones to move all the rock, but there wasn't enough space for any good number of clones, and where would they put the rock anyway?

_Ugh, this is so annoying, why can't I think straight? _Naruto asked himself, rubbing his forehead with thumb and forefinger.

"Hey, Hinata, is it just me or is it kind of hard to think in here?" he asked the midnight haired girl.

She nodded in reply. "Y-yeah, it sure seems that way. Everything seems kind of c-confused," she managed to stammer the words.

"Do you think that it's a trap of some kind?" Naruto continued, looking around as though he would be able to see the perpetrator of this crime in the enclosed space with them.

"Actually, Naruto, I am in here with you," came a voice from the suffocating darkness.

Instantly the Jinchuuriki whirled to face the source of the disturbance. "Host?" He ventured cautiously, even though he could not see newcomer.

"Zetsu, if you would please leave us for fifteen minutes, but return after that allotted period of time, I should be most grateful," said the same voice. This request was followed by a crunching of dirt, as though something was being slowly and roughly sucked down into the earth.

"Naruto, Hinata, you are both here. Excellent," Host's voice was cold and emotionless.

"Host? How did you get in here? How do you even know that we're both here? Can you get us out?" Naruto seemed to ask all of these questions at once.

"Yes it is me, I got in here with help from Zetsu of the Akatsuki, I know that you are both in here because the dark does not hinder me, and yes I can get you out," The answers came back at Naruto without a single pause in between the words. It was like talking to a machine.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go! Come on, Hinata," Naruto extended a hand to his companion with the intention of helping her to her feet.

"Sit," Host ordered, taking a step forward, "Hinata, do not get up."

"W-what?" Naruto asked, dumbfounded by Host's abruptness.

"I said sit, and do not stir," came the chilly reply.

"Why should I?" Naruto asked defiantly, folding his arms and staring Host straight in the eye.

"Naruto, why are you staring at my right shoulder?"

"Because I can't see where your eyes are, dammit!"

"Fine, I'll get some light," Host sighed.

Suddenly light flared in the room, temporarily blinding the two shinobi.

"Ow! W-where's that light coming from?" Hinata asked, shielding her eyes with her hands.

"Nowhere, it's just light," Host supplied, "But never mind that, we have more important matters to attend to."

"Yeah? Like what? Also, why are you acting so weird all of a sudden?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

"I'm not acting weird, I'm acting 100% normal," the being deadpanned, "And we have to talk about what happened. What is the last thing you remember?"

"I just remember waking up here," Naruto answered, a look of confusion on his features.

"M-me too," Hinata wore a similar expression.

"Good. What happened before the time space manipulation?"

"The what?"

"The, um, big thing," Host realized he had to dumb it down for the fox boy.

"I was looking for Hinata," Naruto answered, now understanding.

"And Hinata, you were sitting on top of a pillar, correct?"

The lavender-eyed girl nodded timidly.

"Excellent. Now, would you describe what happened after that?" Host continued.

There was a moment of silence, until Naruto said: "Well, then the big thing happened."

Host sighed inwardly. _Thank you, God, _he said to himself, _It worked._

Just about then there came a grating and crunching sound nearby.

"I'm back," came a high buzzing voice.

"**We're back," **came another, this one like some colossus of yore.

"Excellent, thank you Zetsu. You're just in time," Host expressed his gratitude to the conjoined twins. Or whatever they were.

Striding confidently forward he abruptly sat on Zetsu's shoulders. "Come along, you two. Zetsu, you can carry all three of us, right?"

"Certainly," answered the white half.

"Well then, just squeeze in right beside me then," Host addressed the skeptical pair of shinobi, "We're getting out of here."

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After two more hours of painstaking effort and intensely frustrating searching, all persons were present and accounted for once more in the circle of bamboo chairs. Everyone looked around him or herself, taking in the new surroundings. They were all called to attention when Host stood up on the stage and took an antiquated microphone in his hand.

"First of all, I would like to apologize profusely for any inconvenience that we may have caused you in the previous process!" Host began, but was cut short by a certain foul-mouthed individual.

"* Achoo! * Oh, I'm terribly sorry, it's just that I'm allergic to bullshit," Hidan commented, rubbing his nose theatrically, "Cut the crap, shit head, you sound like some kind of fucking airline stewardess."

"What's your problem?" Host asked the immortal in annoyance.

"Eat shit, that's my problem, asshole."

"Wow, that's… that's just charming. Anyway, moving swiftly onwards, I'm sure that all of you are wondering exactly what just happened."

There was a general murmur of assent from the crowd as people looked at their neighbours and nodded with general looks of puzzlement on their faces.

"This had better be good!" Ino shouted, "When I found Sai he was half dead and we were both lost!"

"Yes, well, it isn't all that good actually. I initiated a total time-space revamp and… You know what? Forget it. Basically I changed our surroundings because something really bad happened and I needed to stop it fast. It was very dangerous, and hopefully I never have to do it again, but in this instance it was necessary. That's all," Host finished, replacing the mic on its stand.

There came an angry clamor from the mob; obviously this was not a satisfactory answer.

"That's all I can say right now!" Host shouted over the noise, flapping his gloved hands, trying to get them to calm down.

_Blast, I need to distract them somehow, _he thought hurriedly. Suddenly, an idea struck him. Snapping his fingers, the great wooden portcullises began to open with many a groan of aged iron and protestation of gnarled wood. Out of the yawning holes came Host's black-clad assistants, bearing on their heads many dishes and platters of sumptuous cuisine. First among these figures came five bearing different parts of a great, low table, which they lay on the floor of the arena and assembled until it was fully seventeen feet long and eight feet wide. Next came two figures, each of them bearing huge rolls of carpet, which they laid down on either side of the table to cover the cracked dirt of the arena floor. The successive servers then laid down their burdens of food and drinks on the table, as Host once again took a microphone from its stand. "I am sure that you must all be hungry and tired after this ordeal. Now, please eat and drink to your heart's content, and then the head handler will show you to a place where you may sleep until I get this situation under control."

The illusion then put his hand on the shoulder of a figure considerably shorter than him, obviously bearing the intention of introducing this creature to the assembled multitude.

"This is Yukiko, the head handler. I am leaving you in her faithful hands," and with that Host strode down a seemingly random corridor followed by two of the so-called "handlers".

The so named Yukiko took the microphone that had previously been used by her master. "Hello," she greeted them, "My name is Yukiko. If there is anything that you need please don't hesitate to ask me or any of the other handlers." She pulled off the black facemask that all of Host's lackeys were obliged to wear, revealing a reasonably pretty face with shoulder length black hair and light brown eyes.

The mob had calmed down by this time, or at least come to terms with the fact that they were not going to get a satisfactory answer any time soon (or perhaps they were just distracted by the sudden appearance of food.)

Kiba extracted himself from the crowd milling towards the table. Closely followed by Shino, he walked gingerly up to Yukiko on the stage.

"Hey, is there a bathroom anywhere around here?" He asked, shifting his weight constantly from one foot to the other.

"Right around the corner, flea boy," She gestured to a door in the chipped limestone of the arena's walls and grinned with a hint of something Temari-like.

Kiba bristled with righteous indignation. "What? I do not have fleas!" He sounded like someone who had encountered this particular jest many times before.

"Whatever you say, Fido. If you still need to go there's a convenient fire hydrant just over there," she was obviously enjoying this.

"Why you…" he clenched his fists and started towards her, but was stopped by a particularly loud groan from his digestive system. Contenting himself with a withering glare in the young woman's direction, Kiba hurried towards the door she had pointed out, quickly disappearing behind it.

Shino watched his friend go, and then turned towards the offending female. "Why did you provoke him?" he asked quietly.

Yukiko sighed and ran a hand through her hair, dropping her previous air of mischief. "Master told me to," she replied, "He said that Inuzuka needs to be taught a lesson."

"And what lesson is that?" Shino inquired.

"To stop behaving like an animal and start behaving like a man," the head handler replied, "Sorry, is there anything you needed?"

"No, thank you," Shino said patiently, turning away.

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Tenten knocked on the door that Host and his two minions had disappeared behind. She had followed him discreetly when he had quit the antechamber, and finally had tracked him to this particular location.

When she first knocked, there came an immediate and ear-splitting crash on the other side of the door. "WHO IS IT!" she heard Host's muffled voice shout. Stomping footsteps could be heard in the room beyond, and finally he had flung open the door, mask off and face shifting as always. Upon looking his guest in the eye he reflexively focused in upon her mind, adopting the gentle russet eyes and thick brown hair that she liked so much.

"Oh, hello…" Host said, colouring and averting his eyes.

"Beautiful?" Tenten asked again.

"You never get tired of hearing that, do you?" he grinned, holding the door open for her.

"Does anyone?" she asked by way of an answer, crossing the threshold.

She found herself in a nearly bare room, thirteen feet by eleven feet. It was reasonably well lit, with a single clay cube in the center. The entire floor was strewn with papers bearing complex diagrams and long matrices of numbers and words. The walls were splattered with ink and had life-sized outlines of the human body with circled captions pointing to different areas. One wall was dominated with five ink drawings of different views of the human brain, each one labeled with the names of parts and more long matrices of numbers and letters. There was one large jar filled with ink and a brush lying beside it. Host's two handlers each sat cross-legged in the two corners across from Tenten.

"You do your own decorating?" she asked, examining the diagrams on the ceiling, "How did you get those up there?"

"I used a ladder," Host replied matter-of-factly.

He made a laboured pulling motion at the wall nearest his visitor. The stone buckled and cracked itself into a relatively smooth one foot-high step. "Please have a seat," he invited her, motioning towards the newly created piece of furniture. Once she had, he sat down on the clay cube and faced her expectantly.

"You wished to talk?" he prompted her.

"Yes, when you said…" she was cut off by Host clapping his hands. In that motion his two assistants walked through the wall behind themselves, and the light dimmed to a romantic red glow.

"What was that all about?" she asked weakly.

"Well, the walls are completely composed of my thoughts, so all I have to do is alter my thoughts so that they can…"

"I meant the dimming of the lights," she interrupted him, "I'm used to the laws of nature being defied here."

"Oh, just setting the mood," he smirked.

"Creep," she murmured.

"What was that?"

"Speak, I said speak," she saved herself quickly, "What did you mean when you called me beautiful? I want to know the story behind that."

"I thought we'd already established this."

"Not to my satisfaction."

Host paused, looking down. This was obviously not something that he wanted to talk about.

"Well?" she pressed him.

Host turned away from her, slumping over.

"I really didn't want to tell you this, it would have gotten in the way," He began, letting his appearance drop back into the random chaos that was his norm, "But I can't lie to you, and if you want to know the truth, then so be it. Tenten, I think you had better brace yourself."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"I can't see him with my Byakugan."

"Me neither."

"Why is that?"

Neji was extremely put out by this development. He had decided to ask his cousin's opinion, seeing as she had received the better education on matters pertaining to the Byakugan.

"Well, I'm really not sure," she admitted, selecting a cinnamon roll from the great supplies of food to the table, "What do you think?"

"Well," he began, racking his brains for some kind of reasonable explanation. _He must have left some kind of clue in his explanation, _Neji thought desperately. Suddenly the answer struck him like one of Lee's punches. _"I am, in essence, all of your minds"_ Host's words came back to him.

"Byakugan," he muttered, feeling the familiar energy behind his eyes. Everything turned black and white, save for the chakra in each being, which he perceived as blue. Taking a deep breath, he looked down at himself and smiled. There was nothing there. He couldn't see a thing where his body should have been.

Deactivating the eye technique, he loaded his plate with onigiri.

"Did you figure it out?" Hinata asked him, noticing his slight smile.

"Yes, I believe I have," he answered contentedly.

"Good," she answered, turning her attention back to her meal.

"Don't you want to know what it is?" He asked incredulously.

"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it," she teased slightly.

Neji rolled his eyes. "He's a part of each of us. I found that one can't see themself with the Byakugan; so looking at him is a lot like looking at ourselves, that's why we can't see him."

Hinata considered this for a moment. "I suppose that makes sense," she conceded.

They ate in silence for a while, listening to the others at the table chat amongst each other, until a thought struck Neji.

"Where's Tenten?" he asked nobody in particular.

"You're worried, perchance?" Hinata vocalized her suspicion.

"What?"

She smiled understandingly. "I've seen the way you look at her," she told him, "I actually know a lot more about you than you would think."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Prove it… my lady," he added the honourific grudgingly.

"Well, for one I know that your blood type is O."

"That's on my medical records, anyone could have figured that out," he countered confidently.

"I also know that your Zodiac sign is Cancer."

"Anyone who knows my birthday could have worked that out."

"July third."

"…Yes," Neji was feeling a little bit less cocky now that it was obvious Hinata actually did know a fair amount about him.

"I also am lead to understand that your favourite food is soba noodles with herring, and you hate pumpkin." (A/N it's true! Google that shit!)

"How did you know that?"

"I noticed the expressions on your face whenever you ate those foods and compared them to your previous mealtime expressions."

"That's… incredible. And a little bit unnerving at the same time."

Hinata chuckled to herself; amused that she could creep out her older cousin.

Down the table from the conversing Hyuugas, Naruto Uzumaki was doing something he did not do very often: thinking. _Why do I feel as if I'm forgetting something? _He asked himself in frustration. He had been trying to remember what he was not even sure he had forgotten for about an hour now, and he had been having no success at all. It was as though there were an elusive memory right on the tip of his tongue (or edge of his brain, whichever you prefer) that was fiendishly taunting him. Naruto did not like to be taunted, and he was certainly not about to accept that kind of treatment from a mere memory.

"Is everything to your satisfaction?" A female voice asked behind him. Naruto recognized the female in question as Yukiko, the head handler.

"What? Oh, yeah, it's great, it's just…" Naruto trailed off. This woman knew Host, right? Like, really well? Maybe he could get some answers from her.

He put on his best fake smile. "Yeah, everything's fine," then with a dramatic change of countenance he adopted an expression of mild concern, "I don't suppose you know what just happened though? You know, the big, um, thing?"

Yukiko smirked and motioned for him to follow her. He got up from his kneeling position and pursued her retreating form, hurrying to catch up.

"Master said that you would ask this," the young woman began, "And he said that if you did then I was to tell you. What just happened was called a shift, and it was designed by my Master for only the most desperate situations. The problem was that you did something that would not have worked. That is to say, what you did went in total contradiction of my Master's plan and it was completely uncharacteristic of you, not to mention unexpected. For a very long time my Master has been working on his plan, and it is a very delicate one at that, weaving through obstacles and possibilities like a spider web. He could not believe that you did what you did, and his shock radiated throughout all of us handlers, informing us to quickly collapse the foundations that held up our previous dimension."

"Wasn't that dangerous?" Naruto interrupted her, trying desperately to keep up with the stream of cryptic information.

She nodded. "Yes, it was extremely dangerous, and we could all have ceased to exist right then and there. It is a miracle that the shift did not cause a paradox, let alone that Master was able to think up this place on the spur of the moment."

"But if it was so dangerous, why did you do it?" Naruto protested.

Yukiko stopped in her tracks, looking down at her feet. After a few moments she turned around to face Naruto. "We handlers are sworn to undying loyalty in to Master. To disobey him would be worse than death. It would be shameful, dishonest, disloyal, dishonourable, and disgusting. No matter what we think in a situation, Master has the last word. If he ordered us to cut our own throats then we should gladly do so. If he wished that we should fight each other to the death then we would obey without question."

"But that's stupid!" Naruto shouted, "Why would you do that just to obey him? What makes him so great that you'd give up your lives for him?"

Yukiko sighed, then said: "Master found us as tiny lumps in the cosmos of thought, but he fed us, nurtured us with his mind, and eventually gave us form. He is like our father in a way, and we owe him everything."

"So… you guys are his kids?"

"More or less. We're more like his foster-children."

"Oh," Naruto did not quite understand, but he would pretend as though he did to avoid another lengthy explanation.

"But anyway, back to the shift," Yukiko began to walk again, Naruto following close behind, "When Master's plan was threatened so drastically, he was forced to change everything, even going so far as to devour part of your memory. He could not afford to leave any clues at all for you to regain your memory with, so he created this place to erase what had been done."

"So what did I do?"

Yukiko wagged a finger at him, "I can't tell you that." And with that, she snapped her fingers and blew away.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"YOU WHAT?"

Host was silently glad for the soundproofing of his room; else Tenten's shout would have drawn unwanted attention.

"You heard what I said," Host replied, looking away.

"Well, yeah, but come on!" Tenten objected, "You've got to be joking!"

"No joke."

"But you're… well let's face it, you're not real!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah!"

"You're upset?"

"Well, sort of, yes! I mean, I just hook up with Neji and now you bring this up?"

"Sorry."

"Sorry won't cut it, can't you undo it somehow?"

Host turned around. "Can you hear yourself?"

Tenten slumped on the ground, too much in shock to speak any more.

_I love you,_ the words still rung in her head. What was she going to do now?

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

And c'est tout, mes cheris! Tenth Chapter.

By the way, this next bit is my pathetic excuse for why I haven't updated in so long, so you can just skip it if you like:

My computer broke down, so all of my files were inaccessible for the longest time. However, I got a new laptop for christmas, so now I'm able to do this. Hopefully it serves, my dears :)

Anyhow, on with the shoutouts! (In order of first come first serve)

NaruXHina4ever45: Hmm :) that is a very interesting idea, I like it!

Recap: Hehe, do you think that even they would be that cruel?

(chapter 10) Jedininjagirl: I'm back! Yep, Kiba gave host claws, and yes it is correct that Host looks like whatever people think he looks like. Well, to be more specific, he looks like what people WANT him to look like, so to most girls he's handsome, and to most guy's he's respectable. U know?

Ichiro Kuragari: Haha, yeah, I thought that maybe that might be accurate :)

Uzumakiluver: Really? He did? Hm, I guess I must have counted wrong. Thanks for the compliment!

Dattebayo1213: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it. Lol, Sasuke will have his turn.

(Chapter 11) Jedininjagirl: :) thanks, you guys are so much nicer to me than I deserve

Jenaca: Lol, I'm glad to hear it!

(Chapter 1) Lilmissperfect14: (bows) I aim to please

(Chapter 2) Lilmissperfect14: Lol, yep, Neji has a few shortcomings I'm afraid '^.^

(Chapter 4) Lilmissperfect14: Haha, there'll probably be a fair amount more randomness yet

(Chapter 5) Lilmissperfect14: Thanks, I was particularly proud of that chapter :)

(Chapter 7) Lilmissperfect14: Lol, thanks! I'm glad that you like the story :D

(Chapter 8) Lilmissperfect14: Yeah, saw is pretty messed up O.o hopefully the NaruHina made up for it

(Chapter 1) Shani Hatake: Good to hear it :)

(Chapter 2) Shani Hatake: True, true

(Chapter 4) Shani Hatake: Thankee very much!

(Chapter 5) Shani Hatake: Well, it's kinda tricky to explain... but you'll find out if you keep reading :)

(Chapter 6) Hyper-blossom Z: I certainly shall

(Chapter 10) Hyper-blossom Z: Yeah, kinda shocking, eh? :O

Whew, that's a lot of shoutouts. Remind me never to get behind in my story again, dearies.

And now, as tradition demands:

*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*

One day, Gai, Kakashi, and Tsunade are out at the bar having a drink. As they sat down with their sake, a fly immediately landed in Gai's cup. Surprised, but unconcerned, he took a spoon and scooped out the fly, placing it on the napkin beside him, then continued to sip his sake in the proper manner. Shortly afterward, a fly landed in Kakashi's cup, making him start. Irritated at having his drink contaminated thus, he took out the offending insect and squashed it between thumb and forefinger. After a while, a fly landed in Tsunade's (suspiciously large) cup of sake. Irate at this intrusion into her enjoyment of the alcohol, the Sanin immediately picked it up by its wings, holding it up to eye level. When she was staring it straight in the compound eyes she ordered: "Alright you, spit it out!"

Aha! Oho, ehe, but yeah, that's that.


	11. Settling In

Well, here we have it, my lovelies. At long last, chapter 11. As always, I must offer my humblest apologies for the horrific delay (has it really been 2 years?). Truth is that there were a number of pretty serious family crises that occurred and also I've been dealing with depression/anxiety periodically, so it sorta crimped my style if y'know what I mean. But don't y'all worry about it! Just chill, and I'll see if I can get all my shizwaz together to keep this baby going :)

Just so you know THIS STORY WILL CONTINUE. I'm not going to discontinue it at all, so you can put away any worries :) (or hopes ¬.¬)

Shout-outs: none.

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"Wake up."

"No."

Deidara received a sharp kick in the shin beneath the rough wool blanket.

"Ow!"

"You awake yet?"

The artist rolled his eyes.

"What is it, Konan?"

"You were snoring."

"Is that all?" Deidara asked weakly.

"Well, that and Hidan is gurgling on his own blood about three feet away."

"What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Must you always be so difficult?" she hissed under her breath, trying not to disturb any of the sleeping forms around them.

The new venue proved somewhat unsettling for all those participating in the activities. What with all the rough wood, rock, bone, and leather decoration it looked somewhat more like a prehistoric abattoir than anything else. However, peoples' emotions are rooted almost exclusively in their stomachs, and after they had all been fed, the barbaric surroundings seemed a tad less hostile. Unfortunately, Host explained (actually he had fobbed off the job of bearing bad news to Yukiko, the head handler) that there were no safe sleeping quarters in the building at the moment, and so blankets would be handed out and everyone could fight over the softest patch of ground.

"You're shivering," Deidara observed bluntly.

"No kidding, it's cold here," Konan shifted into a warmer position.

Deidara sighed, rolling over until he nearly smothered the smaller woman with his own body.

At first she started. "What are you doing?"

"Look, it'll keep both of us warm while at the same time making people think we're an item, okay?"

"...okay."

"Good, now sleep."

Konan curled up into a fetal position, her back warmed by the slowly breathing artist. It was strange that he would do that for her, that he would be so considerate as to offer her his warmth. It was a weird feeling, like being cared for, something which she had not felt since her childhood. After all this time it was... comfourting.

And, gradually, she fell asleep.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"So, that's basically how it works, does that make sense?"

Host looked down at the deeply bemused Naruto sitting before him. After much obvious contemplation, the ninja said very deliberately: "No."

Host slapped his forehead with his palm.

For the past half hour, he had been trying in various ways to explain to Naruto how his symbiotic relationship with the handlers worked, all to no avail.

"I mean, they're your slaves!" Naruto stalwartly protested, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger, Host took a deep breath and attempted to calm himself. 'Calming myself?' he thought, interested by this new phenomenon, 'I suppose I must be progressing, being in such close contact with all these people.'

"They are not my slaves, they do my bidding of their own free will, and I hold them under no obligation to do so," Host tried to be as complete and civil in his explanation as he possibly could.

"So how many have left?" Naruto countered, arms folded.

"Er, none," Host replied, taken aback at the fox-boy's bluntness.

"Why not?"

"Because they don't want to!" Host practically cried in frustration. A sudden mental disturbance drew Host away from his present, futile conversation, making his eye twitch slightly under his mask. Something was 'wrong' again, and needed attending to.

"Look," Host shifted uncomfourtably, "Talk to Yukiko if you still have reservations, I'm busy." And with that, he disappeared like a plume of dust.

Slightly taken aback by this sudden departure, Naruto had to content himself with grinding his teeth and kicking sullenly at the dirt. "Damn weirdo..." he muttered, walking towards the bundles of wool that encased his myriad comrades' sleeping forms.

'Hinata Hyuuga,' Host thought to himself, regarding the lines of code that flickered across his shifting eyes, 'She's smarter than people give her credit for." He materialized in a dark, stone corridor, making a beeline for the person who, despite the darkness, he recognized as the girl herself.

"Can I help you, Miss Hyuuga?" He asked in a low voice, almost invisible in the gloom.

She whirled around in surprise, shock and fear registering on her face before she recognized the shadowy figure behind her. "I... I was..." she began, not entirely sure what to say.

"You were looking for answers?" Host supplied, taking a step closer to her.

She retreated from his advance, unconsciously walking backward until she almost pressed herself flat against the wall. She was not comfourtable in the presence of this being at the best of times, but here, in these claustrophobic surroundings, enveloped in the suffocating darkness, here he was downright intimidating. Before he had appeared she had been exploring the caverns, alone with her thoughts. She generally rose before most anyone else in the mornings, and, with no other diversion, she had decided to get the feel of the new terrain. Kurenai-sensei had once told her that if it came down to a fight between two shinobi of equal skill, the one who knew the lay of the land would surely win. Not that Hinata believed it would come to violence, but she at least wanted to get a better understanding of where she was, even if only for something to do. After she had been walking for some time her thoughts drifted inevitably to the 'shift' as Host had called it, and why it had been necessary. She felt sure that she was missing some obvious piece of information, but no matter how much she cudgeled her brain the answer eluded her. It was as though it were right in front of her, floating just beneath the surface and out of reach. She had just begun to feel as though she might have been on the right train of thought when Host had appeared behind her and accosted her with these questions.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about..." she said in response to the masked man's previous inquiry. It sounded weak, even to her.

"Please, Miss Hyuuga, do not lie, it ill suits you."

"I'm not-"

"What you are 'not' doing is telling the truth. Now, whether or not you choose to admit it I know what you were thinking, and please allow me to inform you that no good will come of your pondering the matter any further. It is an entirely fruitless venture."

'He can read my thoughts?' Hinata wondered uneasily.

"Of course I can," Host responded to her private musings, "Your thoughts are my thoughts. Now I shall say again, there is no point to thinking about the shift, it has been done, and now is over." Host's voice was low and persuasive, indicative of an ultimatum. With that, Host turned on his heel and strode away into the darkness.

"W-wait!" Hinata called after him, mustering her courage.

The creature stopped in his tracks, turning to look sideways over his shoulder at her, waiting for her next words.

"H-Host," she began tentatively, "Why are we here?"

The shrouded figure remained silent, inscrutable behind the dark fabric of his mask.

"If you won't tell me what's happening, at least t-tell me why it is," Hinata persisted, standing her ground despite the intimidating creature before her.

Host turned around and walked back towards her. During so he reached up to the crown of his head, lowered his hood, and pulled off his mask. Once again the visage that Hinata had only seen twice before made her recoil. The stark white hair, the completely unremarkable facial musculature, the black eyes, and that terrible paper-white skin. It was all so unnatural.

"Miss Hyuuga," Host spoke through lips that were just as pale as the rest of his ashen complexion, "Do you know why I look like this to you?"

Hinata shook her head, bringing her thumb up to her face and chewing nervously on the nail. "I thought you said you look like whatever we want to see," she said, confused. She certainly did not want to see this ghoulish visage.

Host nodded. "Exactly. You must understand, Miss Hyuuga, you do not want to see anything. Thus, that is how I appear: completely neutral. Your horror is born of the fact that neutrality in features is unnatural, and thus is disturbing to the human mind." Then Host began to speak very candidly. "You are in love with Naruto Uzumaki," he said. It was a statement, not a question, and Hinata was upset at hearing it put so plainly. "In fact, you love him so absolutely that none could tempt you away from him, not even a completely perfect candidate," Host gestured to himself at that point, "Which is how I generally appear to subjects, especially subjects as rampantly charged with hormones as adolescents. But not you, there is nothing at all which could shake the foundations of your affections, and that is why I appear as I do: as nothing at all." Host gently probed Hinata's mind. As he felt comprehension dawn in her head he breathed an inward sigh of relief. Thank goodness this girl seemed to have more brains than the object of her affections. However, it was not reassurance of what she already knew that Hinata needed, that much was plain, and he got the sense that she felt he was trying to digress from her original question. "When you ask me why you are all here, it is quite simply because you all are connected, and you all have problems of some kind or another, problems which cause you great pain. I'm just here to stop the pain."

"So, w-why did you say before that didn't know why we were all here?t" Hinata cast her memory back to that moment when Host had stood in the center of the circle of rickety bamboo chairs, indistinctly shifting body exposed to the scrutiny of all.

Host cast her a small smile, though on his shuddersome visage it looked more like a grimace. "I think you've already guessed that, Miss Hyuuga: I lied. It simply wouldn't do for everyone to know, that's all. The cures for the pain are generally more effective when people are unaware of them happening."

"C-cures?"

"I solve the problems." Host said simply.

"But why?" Hinata blurted out, "Why do all this?"

"I'm a manifestation of a collective subconsciousness, aren't I? Isn't one of the main jobs of the subconscious to puzzle out problems?"

Hinata couldn't really argue with that.

After a moment's contemplation she asked: "So why truth-or-dare?"

Host shrugged. "Distraction. Plus it's a good way for people to get to know one another. A clearly defined and cemented relationship between two people puts both minds at ease, ergo it makes my job easier."

It was Hinata's turn to smile.

"Although," Host continued, "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell the others anything about the conversation we've just had. Better for them to fumble around blindly for the time-being, and believe that social games are their sole purpose for being here."

Hinata nodded. She had been given a lot to think about.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"And then he asked me to pose for him!" Ino beamed with satisfaction as she and Sakura exchanged gossip over the sumptuous breakfast feast that they had found laid out in the morning.

"Don't be fooled," Sakura cautioned, brandishing a piece of toast, "He might talk smooth, but you can be sure it's all an act. The truth is he doesn't know the first thing about honest social interactions. He probably read in a book that it was 'polite' to ask girls to pose."

'Damn him,' she thought inwardly, 'Why did he ask Ino to model for him? What's so great about her anyways?'

"Besides," she continued, taking a bite out of the toast in her hand, "He's an artist, and he's a guy who lives alone, not to mention being a raging pervert. He'd probably ask you to get naked, or do something creepy. If I were you, I sure wouldn't go to his house alone."

Ino was taken aback. Was that really what Sai had meant when he had asked her to model for him? Then again, would she really be averse to the proposition? Well, maybe if it were just the two of them...

She shook her head to clear it, then said: "I think you're being too hard on him, Sakura. He seems like a really nice guy if you just give him a chance."

Sakura shrugged. "Well, you'd better be prepared to deal with some wandering hands if you're planning on going through with it. Honestly, the guy is so creepy it makes me wonder sometimes if he has any redeeming features at all."

"Well," Ino giggled, "There are those looks of his."

"What looks?" Sakura sniffed.

Ino stared at her friend, exasperated.

"Come on, Sakura, admit it, he's gorgeous."

"He's... alright," the medical ninja conceded, colouring slightly, "Let's change the subject."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

To say that Tenten had a lot to think about would be an understatement. Even excluding the whole matter of being forced to play truth-or-dare by a stranger who appeared to be some sort of freak of nature, and the fact that she had no idea either of where she was or how she had come to be there, and even the way in which people whom she had been convinced had long since departed the world of the living were now treading the ground seemingly fit as a fiddle, even excluding all of that her metaphorical plate was full.

Not least among her remaining worries was her rather awkward position of being at the apex of a love-triangle. Tenten had never particularly thought of herself as what one might consider "a catch", but now it seemed as though she had gotten mixed up in the crossfire of some kind of testosterone-fueled game of one-upmanship. On the one hand, Host had told her that she was beautiful; an unexpected compliment to say the least. On the other hand, Neji had kissed her. Well, sort of. Admittedly he hadn't had much choice in the matter, but he didn't exactly seem averse to it either. And then, she and Neji had rather tentatively progressed into the "more-than-friends" zone. Then, out of the blue, the freaky one had decided to declare his undying love for her.

'Honestly, it's like as soon as one man wants you they all do," she thought bitterly, marching towards the relative safety of the bamboo chair circle.

To be honest, this was all getting a little overwhelming. While she couldn't deny that a small part of her was secretly flattered by all the attention, it was all just happening too quickly. Tenten prided herself on her ability to adapt seamlessly to various changing situations; it was a necessity in combat, but these affairs of the heart were proving to be an opponent the likes of which she was not entirely comfourtable going up against. It all reminded her of the training simulations during her days at the academy, the ones designed to test a student's ability to cope under stress, where everything that could possibly go wrong did. All at the same time. Well, maybe not everything was going wrong, she and Neji were now an item... or something of the sort. They had progressed beyond mere camaraderie, at least.

In the past she had sometimes allowed herself the luxury of daydreaming about she and Neji one day getting together. She had long harboured feelings for him, but had never actually brought herself to act upon them until recently. Afraid of risking their friendship, she supposed. Still, for all her heat-of-the-moment recklessness it seemed as though the risk had paid off in the end. He was just so damn cute when he was awkward.

Then Host had come along and lobbed a spanner in the works. She resented him for that. Furthermore, judging by his attack on Neji earlier, it seemed apparent that he was not the sort to take rejection easily.

She would need to speak to a professional to sort this one out, and she thought she knew just the person.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"Master?"

"Yes, Yukiko?"

"The girl..."

"Which one do you mean?"

"With the scrolls,"

"Tenten. Yes, what of her?"

The head handler shifted uncomfourtably where she stood on the arena's cracked earth floor. Host had his back to her, sitting cross-legged in the middle of his room of diagrams, pondering the tables and calculations before his eyes.

"It's just... well, why did you lie to her?" Yukiko asked tentatively,

Host was silent. Then, after a long pause, he rose slowly from the floor, a wry smile spread across his shifting features.

"You noticed?" it was not so much a question as an observation.

She nodded, meeting her guardian's gaze.

"I am merely taking extra precautions. That is all." Host brushed past her and swept towards the door.

"Master?" she called after him, "What do you mean: 'extra precautions'?"

He stopped, hand on the doorknob, and looked back at her.

"Why Yukiko, while I know that you do not possess the ability to look into their minds as I do, I should have thought that you would still know that the strongest of human bonds are borne out of conflict against some outside force. Well, for there to be conflict there must be an enemy."

She frowned, still not entirely sure of his meaning.

"Neither Tenten herself nor the Hyuuga prodigy will ever deal with their feelings for each other as normal people do, a fact which has become a problem," Host turned up his collar and pulled on his mask, "I am taking precautions to ensure that this problem is solved, and stays solved."

Hand on the doorknob he paused a moment, then looked over his shoulder at Yukiko.

"You know," he mused, "This place is entirely too... dark. Gloomy. I think it needs... a touch of class."

The head handler inclined her head deferentially.

"Certainly, Master."


End file.
